Looking back, planted here, moving forward

I was online for a bit today and stumbled upon a site where I could watch full episodes of a teenage drama I was addicted to when I was in high school. Although it was "teenage", looking back I am sure it was too mature for me at the time and it encouraged all of the "looking for love in all the wrong faces" adventures I acted out in my head. I was completely innocent, but my daydreams of finding true love at 15 left me feeling hopeless and melancholy at a time I should have been carefree. But, I digress.

So, I spent a little time watching a favorite episode of the series and immediately I was sent back in time almost 15 years. Smells, feelings, even temperatures felt as real to me as actually being in that moment. I couldn't help but remember how I felt about life at that time. Putting all the melodrama that I inflicted on myself aside, I felt safe, secure, loved and invincible. I know it's selfish, but today, for just a brief moment, I would have given anything to be back there. Surely, you must know how that feels too. Not that life is so terrible now. I have great things to be so grateful for, and I am! But, life protected by parents you trust, with plenty to eat, no bills to pay and the hardest decision you have to make is what to wear, sounds pretty tempting to me sometimes.

Then later, I started preparing my usual Thursday night, boring Hamburger Helper, because I'm not a cook at all, and I started to make a list of things I still need to do tonight. One of those things is to hang up and put away Raylen's folded laundry. She was asleep when I did it, so it sits in a basket awaiting my return. It occured to me when I found myself looking forward to putting it away, that life isn't so bad in the here and now. And more than that, I get to be the one to protect and be trusted, give plenty to eat and worry about bills so she doesn't have to. It's my job and my privelage to take care of the "stuff" in life so that she can worry about what princess dress she is going to wear next. And my greatest hope and joy in life would be to see her grow to a place where she can visit the past with fond memories and remember a blissful existance and then snap out of it in time to take care of the stuff of life for her own little pretend princess.