Adoption Journey Journal III

Happy Monday to everyone!

It is an unusually happy Monday for us this week because as of Saturday
night it was decided that our little angel will come home to live with us
full time on Thursday night! We are so excited! Before everyone gets too
excited, please know that this does not make everything final and we are
still far from that point. However, in order for us to file for custody
with the courts (should we need to go to court if the parents don't sign
the papers) then we will need to rack up as much time as possible with her
in our home. This is a HUGE adjustment as you can imagine because we have
not planned at all for this...but it is so wonderful that we are just
pushing through. Thank you to everyone who has offered their help and
support...We so need it!!!

As you know, anytime you become a parent it is a big deal. We never knew
how big of one until now. For us, this is becoming a very big spiritual
journey as well, thus the reason for these long emails from me! : ) For
me, it helps to write these things out and let you know what we are
learning and what's going on.

As for this week's spiritual awakening, I think it's rather funny that the
last time I wrote I talked about having faith that God has not left you,
etc. and not giving into the fear of being left alone in the "desert"
because, the very day after that, I was hit with a big wave of fear!
(Actually it's not funny at all!) I walked around work all day on Thursday
in a haze and I remember being in the elevator saying out loud (by myself!)
" I know You didn't bring us out here to just leave us here." And that is
the truth and what Jason and I are clinging to. It is enormously scary for
us to keep walking in this direction and it would be so easy to say no and
turn around. But we can't. We press on. At night we hardly talk because
we are in shock still and you can hear our deep breaths louder than the air
conditioner, but we press on. The main thing that keeps us going is
looking far into the future and thinking about how amazing it will be when
our daughter understands all that God has brought her through to give her a
family and all that He has brought us through to give us a child. Every
pain and fear is worth the thought of that moment for us. At night before
she goes to sleep and at meal times, Jason and I hold her hands and we all
close our eyes as Jason prays out loud. He thanks God for "RayRay" and for
the food and then asks God to make us a permanent family and have His way
in our lives. We want her to know from day one Who holds her future.

We are still praying for miracles in our life as well. Our attorney won't
represent us completely until we give her the $10,000.00 retainer. We are
working hard to get that now...we are planning to get second jobs and hold
fund-raisers and even sell a lot of things on Ebay...so if you are an avid
Ebay shopper...watch for our items! We are continuing to pray for the
birth parents that they would quickly and easily sign over their rights so
a long court battle will not be needed. We are also beginning to see the
stress take form in how we speak to each other and are praying for
protection against taking our stress out on one another and isolating
ourselves.

Well, I will leave you this week with another picture of our baby. I can't
help it! I just love her and I want to share her with you! I know some of
you are forwarding my emails on to those I don't have email addresses
for...if you want to send me those emails I can add them to the list.
Thank you for your prayers and support. We love each and every one of you!