QT On The Mower

Last night I spent some great quality time with one of my BFF's. We spent the evening laughing and being silly and venting about the things going on with us. At the end of it, with a specatular lightning show around us, we spent some time praying over the pressing stresses in her life right now. The main theme: trust God for His timing in His way. Such a sweet time!

Inevitably though, this morning I woke up to my own life again. Not that it's bad, but it has been full of a chore list a mile long, another trying day learning short vowel "i" and did I mention the power and water were out due to the storm? I haven't been in the best of moods, let me tell you.

One of the things on my chore list is mowing the three acres of land we currently reside on. I don't mind it really other than the storm of allergies it conjures in my head after I'm finished. But, it gives me some time to think uninterrupted and process things with the Lord. For some reason today on the mower, I started thinking about the Duggars...pregnant with their 19th child. I have mixed feelings really, but mostly I'm supportive of the decision to honor life and love children. That has been my heart since I was a little girl. So, of course I start thinking about my life and the amount of children I would like to have and then it dawned on me: I'm going to be 31 in two months....31!!!! Most adoption agencies don't allow you to adopt after 40 so that only gives me 9 years to adopt all the children I want, but if they go by Jason's age then we only have 8 years! Literal panic set in my heart and head while I went round and round on the mower. "My life is half over and I only have one child! What about my dreams? My plans?" Panic, Panic, Panic. I had to stop the mower and breathe. Thankfully, Sweet Jesus came to the rescue. He sang over me Peace and Confidence in Him and reminded me that I have offered Him my life to use for His glory. Abandonment. That's the goal. To live a life so abandoned to Him that I care nothing about my own desires or plans unless it lines up with His desires and plans.

I remembered the prayers we prayed last night for my friend and echoed them for my situation today. If I go the rest of my life without any more children, be glorified, Lord. If I have the blessing of adopting more children, be glorified, Lord. Whatever your will for me...for us...be honored, be praised, be high and lifted up! My life is Yours...I yield to You...I will not panic...You've got this...You're not shaken.