A New Adventure

Does anyone blog anymore?  I'm not sure, but as my mother pointed out to me, writing is therapeutic and sometimes you just have to get your thoughts out of your head.  I haven't written a post on this blog in some time.  A lot of life has happened and some of it has been pretty hard.  I guess I really didn't want to see it in print.  Now we find ourselves in an exciting/challenging/scary adventure and I lose myself most days in the "what ifs" alone in my head.  Hopefully, putting out my thoughts, whether they're read or not, will prove to be my therapy.

Our current adventure is a similar one that we've been on before, but oh so different.  We are currently fostering (hoping to adopt!) a beautiful, one month old baby girl.  Our journey with her goes back to April, when we first felt the nudging from the Lord to go the foster to adopt route.  Licensed at the end of June, we had a few placement calls that were nearly ours, leaving our hearts raw and tender.  Then, in mid September, our call came.  Only three days old, our M&M baby was delivered to our doorstep tiny and precious.  Instantly in love, she has captured all of our hearts.

Initially we were told that her case would be an easy one to move into adoption.  We were thrilled after waiting so long to adopt again and from the long and hard work of adopting Raylen six years ago.  As the days have gone on, we have found that the word easy isn't in the vocabulary anymore.  While one birth parent is not suitable to care for her, the presumed other birth parent is vowing to fight for her. Believe it or not, there is yet another person involved wanting her, all without knowing anything about her.

It's a very hard thing to describe, the feeling that other people want to take your child.  While I know that legally she isn't ours yet, we are the ones up with her every two hours, the ones seeing her first smile, the ones worrying about her every sneeze or fever.  She is ours in every practical sense of the word and our hearts are bonded.  She is a mommy's girl already, not wanting to be put down and really just wanting me to hold her.  When you spend every moment of your day with that kind of love in your arms, it is a lightning bolt to your heart when someone says they want to take that from you.

There are positives right now.  Nothing can be decided for a year.  She is with us for at least a year while anyone seeking custody proves themselves.  Even after that year, we will have so much standing with her that we will have as much or more right to her as a biological parent.  In the thick of it though, it's hard to remember the positives.

For a long time now, I've been asking the Lord to increase my faith in Him.  Several people at different times have prayed over me and asked the Lord to deepen my dependance to Him.  I am learning now that He is doing that, it just doesn't look like the computer style download to my brain I was thinking it would.  I have to walk this journey out day by day in complete faith in Him, standing firm on His word. Loving anyone isn't easy.  There are ups and downs and in all truth, none of us are guaranteed that we have another day with the ones we love.  Fostering is no different.

If you would like, we would be so grateful for your prayers during this journey with M&M baby.  Here are some pressing things to pray for now:

• We have a hearing on November 7th.  We will possibly meet the other parties involved.  Please pray for favor with the judge and for grace in our hearts toward the other family members.
• Please pray for JOY in our home.  From the top down, this can bring weariness in all our hearts.  Please pray against that.