Adoption Journey Journal VII

Hello everyone!

I know it's been a while since I have written....things have been so busy
now that are lives are dictated by a two year old! Things have been
wonderful though and I want to update you on some exciting things!

Since I wrote last, Raylen celebrated her second birthday! We had a party
at home with family, but it also included a jump house provided by a
cousin. She had a blast! We had to keep prying her away from the jump
house because she was getting too red. She didn't like that. I think she
was a little overwhelmed by all of the presents and people. She got tired
of opening presents about half way through, but we convinced her to keep
opening. She was a doll and almost instantly she grew up from that
baby-like 24 month old to a 2 year old big girl! We've noticed that she is
getting taller and talking a lot more. She even graduated from her crib
this week to sleeping in her big girl bed! I have to say that it was a
very surreal thing to look down at this precious angel snuggled in the same
bed that I myself used to snuggle in as a child. I think you can call that
the circle of life. : ) We are still working on the potty experience.
She loves to sit on her training potty, but just thinks it's a chair to sit
on while I fill up the bath tub. And speaking of the bath tub, that girl
loves the water! She has some Elmo and Dora dolls that she plays with in
the tub and loves to get on her back and "swim" with Elmo and Dora. The
other thing that we have noticed is what a music lover she is. When we are
driving or watching TV, it is not unusual to hear her sing in a sweet
angelic voice her "La La's" trying to imitate what she just heard. She
also loves to dance!!! While I was loading the groceries in the car the
other day, Raylen was still in the cart and an Expedition pulled up with a
loud bass dance song playing. The driver had his window down as he sat
there waiting for a car up ahead of us to pull out. Raylen looked at him
for a minute and then let loose dancing up a storm! The man laughed so
hard he was crying by the time he got to move again. It was hilarious!

The weekend after Raylen's birthday, several friends threw us a celebration
shower at North Fort Worth. I had been excited for weeks about the shower,
but didn't know how overwhelmed I would be by this display of love until I
got there! It was amazing! The ladies hosting did an amazing job making
the party "Raylen friendly" and fun for all. We were so blessed by all of
the people who came and we are now well stocked with adorable clothes and
toddler essentials we desperately needed! I hope to have pictures soon of
the shower and birthday to send to you.

And two days ago, another amazing thing happened. The attorney called and
said that she had received the signed paperwork from the birth father! We
are thrilled! We were expecting them from him, but nothing is for sure
until you receive them. Additionally, I got a message from the birth mom
on Thursday asking to talk with me about Raylen, but although I have left a
couple of messages for her, I have not heard back from her. Our attorney
confirmed our thoughts that she probably wants to talk about signing her
rights to us as well because we have heard through the grapevine that she
talked to her own lawyer and the lawyer told her she didn't have much
choice in the matter. We are a beneficial option to her because if she
signs her rights to us, we will allow her to receive updates from us and
pictures of Raylen. We will see if she calls back though. With or without
her signature, we are in a very good place. We are not sure what the next
step will be, but everything should go quickly according to the lawyer. We
are amazed!

You know, it's funny to us how everything is turning out. For instance, we
got married and were ready for a family. It didn't work. Then I didn't
work full time for so long because we didn't want to get comfortable on two
incomes incase a baby came, then I had to go to work in 2004 (ironically
one month to the date after Raylen was born.) Then, at a time when thingsare seemingly the worst for us in a lot of areas, God is opening door after
door for us to be the parents of this little girl...and we know it's His
will! Last night as I was driving home from an appointment, I was asking
God for a miracle in our lives in some other areas. Asking is kind of a
gentle word. I was really begging Him. He reminded me that He had already
worked out all of the details of this adoption and given us Raylen on the
day we decided to start "trying" for a family. I didn't know then all of
the struggles and things we would go through, but God did. So, He said to
me last night, that He already has everything else worked out as well. Why
am I worrying? I responded that I am human...it's my nature. He said "But
I'm not human." What could I say to that? Of course He's got this!!! I
got a forward email from someone the other day talking about how our life
is but a blink compared to the Eternity that we will spend in Heaven. The
email talked of how this life is a dress rehearsal for Heaven. I know in
Heaven we won't have mortgages to worry about and lawyers and taxes and
bank accounts, but I know that the character I develop here while dealing
with those things affects my character for eternity. God is teaching us to
trust Him. In fact, He's been teaching us to trust Him all along. So, a
few minutes later when I got pulled over for speeding, I said silently, "OK
Lord. I will slow down and just trust You." : )

Thank you for praying for our family. Thank you for continuing to bless us
as you are! You are apart of our miracle and we are so grateful!

Adoption Journal Journey VI

Hello there,

My note is a little later than usual this week due to our baby girl being
sick on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing major, but that nasty cough worried
Jason and I so I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and she is doing better
with some medicine. It was so nice to be home with her those two days.
It's amazing what a difference there is in her temperament when we are
together all day instead of at day-care some of the day. I am praying for
God to make a way for me to stay home with her but until then, we are
thankful for our time together when we have it.

My last note told you about some funds that were needed for our adoption
now that the dad has agreed to sign the papers. I must tell you that there
were several days that we were very nervous about how that money was going
to come. Then Friday night of last week came and Jason said that we should
go and see how much he could get for his truck. Now pause for a second. A
little history about this truck is that Jason had been wishing for a truck
all last year and we spent many late nights with our friends running all
over car lots after hours looking in the windows of his dream trucks. In
November we were blessed with a little extra money that made for a great
down payment on a used truck...even though the truck that he chose looked
hardly used. It was such a fun time! He adored that truck and took great
care of it and even sulked for three days once when he spilled hot sauce on
the carpet in the front seat! So, fast forward. Why would he even suggest
that we see what we could get for it? Well, we spent a late night at the
dealership on Friday and found that we could get 3/4 of the amount of money
that we needed for the adoption paperwork by selling the truck. We didn't
make a decision that night because we wanted to think hard about what we
were doing. That night I told Jason that although we share everything, I
knew that this was his truck and it should be his decision about what to
do. I would be happy with whatever he chose. Secretly though, I was
almost hoping he didn't choose to sell it because I thought for sure that
he would mope around for weeks about losing the truck. Before the night
was over, Jason had made a call to our friend asking for a ride home from
the dealership the next morning. He had made a tough decision, but as he
told me, Raylen is worth more than the truck could ever be worth. The next
morning, we all went to the dealership and Jason kept hugging Ray Ray, I
think to remind him of what this was all for. He was a trooper and the
most attractive he has ever been to me during that morning. I saw him in a
new light, not because he was bringing the money in, but because he had
shown true leadership and inspiration to our family. Before they took the
truck, I took a picture of Jason and Raylen in front of it and plan to put
it in her baby book. I know from experience that there will be a day in her
teenage life where she will want to be "grown up" and want to rebel from
all that Jason and I teach her. She might even wonder if we really even
love her because teenage minds are often distorted with such things. But
on those days, I want that picture to remind her that her daddy loved her
more than himself and would give up that truck and more to see her smile
everyday. I wish I could tell you that I treat Jason with the respect and
love that he deserves everyday for doing such a thing and being the great
husband and father that he is, but I don't. I do know it in my heart
though and he has made a sacrifice that will forever shape our family. By
the way, I was wrong. He hasn't sulked once.

I receive a Bible verse emailed to me daily and this morning's read this:


Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one
receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And
everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now
they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable
crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not
as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into
subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should
become disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27

When I read that verse it reminded me of our current "race". I know
that Paul is talking about our race in life...obtaining the prize of
eternal life, but it hits closer to home today for me. For those of
you who have been through this process you know that it is hard. In
fact many have referred to this time as my labor as in pregnancy.
But, we are not going through this for nothing. The verse above
indicates that we are running this race for a prize! We know what
that is and she is certainly a prize! Her life can't be measured in
perishable things like trucks and money, but by eternity and love.
So as it says above, we can run with certainty knowing that we aren't
fighting for nothing, but every challenge becoming a discipline; the
discipline of trusting God; the discipline of speaking faith and
leaning on each other; the discipline of brokenness so that God can
be glorified through our lives. The last sentence really punches me
in the gut though...these disciplines are needed to keep us from
becoming disqualified! What do I think would disqualify me? Luke
warm faith. Doubt. Dishonesty. Dissension. All of these things
will keep me from the real prize...not Raylen perhaps, but the true
Joy and Blessing of discovering the generous heart of God through
this. The thing is, I want it all! I want all that God has to
offer! Babies, joy and knowing Him deeper! So, Jason and I run
on...and we know you are running with us.

We still have not heard from the birth mother yet and I am praying
about when is the right time to call her again. Right now we are
just enjoying our baby girl. She is the light of our life. She
learned to say Wow the other day and goes through stores saying it
over and over pointing at everything. I just crack up! I have to
share the cutest story though. My mom, (her Granna) taught her to
say I Love You in sign language. After only one time of doing it
with my mom, several days later I asked Raylen if she wanted to talk
to Granna on the phone. When I put the phone up to her ear and Mom
started talking to her, I could tell what Mom was saying because
Raylen put her hand close to the phone and made the I love you sign
with her hands. She won't do that to even us when we say I love you.
She is so smart. I couldn't have dreamed her any more precious than
she is.