Adoption Journal Journey VI

Hello there,

My note is a little later than usual this week due to our baby girl being
sick on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing major, but that nasty cough worried
Jason and I so I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and she is doing better
with some medicine. It was so nice to be home with her those two days.
It's amazing what a difference there is in her temperament when we are
together all day instead of at day-care some of the day. I am praying for
God to make a way for me to stay home with her but until then, we are
thankful for our time together when we have it.

My last note told you about some funds that were needed for our adoption
now that the dad has agreed to sign the papers. I must tell you that there
were several days that we were very nervous about how that money was going
to come. Then Friday night of last week came and Jason said that we should
go and see how much he could get for his truck. Now pause for a second. A
little history about this truck is that Jason had been wishing for a truck
all last year and we spent many late nights with our friends running all
over car lots after hours looking in the windows of his dream trucks. In
November we were blessed with a little extra money that made for a great
down payment on a used truck...even though the truck that he chose looked
hardly used. It was such a fun time! He adored that truck and took great
care of it and even sulked for three days once when he spilled hot sauce on
the carpet in the front seat! So, fast forward. Why would he even suggest
that we see what we could get for it? Well, we spent a late night at the
dealership on Friday and found that we could get 3/4 of the amount of money
that we needed for the adoption paperwork by selling the truck. We didn't
make a decision that night because we wanted to think hard about what we
were doing. That night I told Jason that although we share everything, I
knew that this was his truck and it should be his decision about what to
do. I would be happy with whatever he chose. Secretly though, I was
almost hoping he didn't choose to sell it because I thought for sure that
he would mope around for weeks about losing the truck. Before the night
was over, Jason had made a call to our friend asking for a ride home from
the dealership the next morning. He had made a tough decision, but as he
told me, Raylen is worth more than the truck could ever be worth. The next
morning, we all went to the dealership and Jason kept hugging Ray Ray, I
think to remind him of what this was all for. He was a trooper and the
most attractive he has ever been to me during that morning. I saw him in a
new light, not because he was bringing the money in, but because he had
shown true leadership and inspiration to our family. Before they took the
truck, I took a picture of Jason and Raylen in front of it and plan to put
it in her baby book. I know from experience that there will be a day in her
teenage life where she will want to be "grown up" and want to rebel from
all that Jason and I teach her. She might even wonder if we really even
love her because teenage minds are often distorted with such things. But
on those days, I want that picture to remind her that her daddy loved her
more than himself and would give up that truck and more to see her smile
everyday. I wish I could tell you that I treat Jason with the respect and
love that he deserves everyday for doing such a thing and being the great
husband and father that he is, but I don't. I do know it in my heart
though and he has made a sacrifice that will forever shape our family. By
the way, I was wrong. He hasn't sulked once.

I receive a Bible verse emailed to me daily and this morning's read this:


Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one
receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And
everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now
they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable
crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not
as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into
subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should
become disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27

When I read that verse it reminded me of our current "race". I know
that Paul is talking about our race in life...obtaining the prize of
eternal life, but it hits closer to home today for me. For those of
you who have been through this process you know that it is hard. In
fact many have referred to this time as my labor as in pregnancy.
But, we are not going through this for nothing. The verse above
indicates that we are running this race for a prize! We know what
that is and she is certainly a prize! Her life can't be measured in
perishable things like trucks and money, but by eternity and love.
So as it says above, we can run with certainty knowing that we aren't
fighting for nothing, but every challenge becoming a discipline; the
discipline of trusting God; the discipline of speaking faith and
leaning on each other; the discipline of brokenness so that God can
be glorified through our lives. The last sentence really punches me
in the gut though...these disciplines are needed to keep us from
becoming disqualified! What do I think would disqualify me? Luke
warm faith. Doubt. Dishonesty. Dissension. All of these things
will keep me from the real prize...not Raylen perhaps, but the true
Joy and Blessing of discovering the generous heart of God through
this. The thing is, I want it all! I want all that God has to
offer! Babies, joy and knowing Him deeper! So, Jason and I run
on...and we know you are running with us.

We still have not heard from the birth mother yet and I am praying
about when is the right time to call her again. Right now we are
just enjoying our baby girl. She is the light of our life. She
learned to say Wow the other day and goes through stores saying it
over and over pointing at everything. I just crack up! I have to
share the cutest story though. My mom, (her Granna) taught her to
say I Love You in sign language. After only one time of doing it
with my mom, several days later I asked Raylen if she wanted to talk
to Granna on the phone. When I put the phone up to her ear and Mom
started talking to her, I could tell what Mom was saying because
Raylen put her hand close to the phone and made the I love you sign
with her hands. She won't do that to even us when we say I love you.
She is so smart. I couldn't have dreamed her any more precious than
she is.