Hello everyone!
It is with a JOYFUL spirit that I write you this morning. For those of you
who did not get the message, we had a wonderful day yesterday!!!!
I went to the Family Courthouse yesterday at 8:20am to confront the birth
mom at a hearing between Raylen's aunt and birth mom about child support.
I was praying all the way that Raylen's birth mother would not show up. In
fact, I was standing at an unusually long light on the corner of
Weatherford and Calhoun streets praying over and over in my head. God,
please don't let her show up today. But, Lord, have YOUR way today.
Whatever happens in this day, let it be YOUR idea, YOUR will and may it
glorify YOU. So when the light changed, I headed in. Right off the bat
when I walked in the courtroom, I saw the back of her head in the front row
and knew it was her. My heart sunk. Again with the prayers. Lord, I
thought we just talked about this? I asked you to not let her be here? He
reminded me then of the last part of my prayer. "Lord, have YOUR way
today." Okay. Even though it's only been ten minutes since that last
prayer, Lord I resubmit to YOUR will. I stood in the long line, petrified
with fear. I really had no reason to be in the line because I didn't need
to check in, but my fear wouldn't let me move. I didn't want to face my
task. I kept thinking, "Who are you kidding? She is not going to want to
talk to you again. Do you honestly think she would sign her rights over
now when she obviously showed up and wants this child?" After a few
minutes, I heard a child in the room laughing hysterically. I couldn't see
the child, but the laugh sounded EXACTLY like Raylen's. She always laughs
that way when you tickle her little thighs or kiss her tummy. My first
reaction was, How did she get here...who got her....why is she here?? When
my senses calmed down and I realized there is no way that she could be
here, I peeked into the room farther and saw that it was a little boy. I
knew in my heart though why I had heard that laugh so loud in my ears.
Although my flesh was petrified with fear, my heart and will were resolved
to do what was best for my child. Just like you moms who have birthed your
own babies, my flesh was forced to submit to my will and I took a deep
breath and started walking. I remember thinking as the world around me was
in slow motion like in a movie, that this was my birthing experience.
Nothing in my life has or will ever be harder than this, but nothing so
rewarding either. What I wouldn't have given for an epidural though. : )
When my legs finally stopped moving, I found myself standing in front of
Mary the birth mom and my mouth opened. Words fell out of my mouth like
they had been trapped in there looking for a release. I am not sure what I
said to her, but quickly found myself in the back corner of the room
talking with her. I plainly told her that Jason and I were still
interested in adopting her daughter...was she interested in that at all?
She said that she had been thinking about it for a while and tried to
contact me (I had tried to call her back too), but had lost my number. She
said she would like me to talk to her mother and sister who were with her
that day. We walked up to them and went to the hall to talk. I gave them
a brief summary of my intentions and how I saw things happening. Mary
teared up. The mother shook her head. I felt like I was going to be sick.
After a minute, the sister turned to Mary and said, "I think you should do
it." Mary looked at her mother and she nodded in agreement. I took the
first breath I had taken all morning. I told them that we needed to get
this done quickly before she saw the judge. They agreed. We walked arm
and arm across the street to the main courthouse and were directed to the
basement where a title company officed who had a notary. When we got to
the basement, we found an office with a sign on the door that read, "Title
Company-Notary inside". Great! Inside, we found TWO ladies in a cubicle.
When I asked for the notary they told me that we needed to go down the hall
to the last room on the right and that's where the notary was. Okay. You
would think that the notary would be where the sign said the notary was,
but okay, we'll go down there. We found the notary just where they had
directed. I quickly told her that we needed this document notarized and
would need two different witnesses. The notary said, "We don't provide
witnesses." Okay. I asked her if I could just grab people out of the
hallway to be witnesses. She said yes, but that was unlikely because
people get into court and I probably wouldn't find anybody. Then I
remembered the TWO women that we had met in the office down the hall.
Thank you Lord for your provision. I ran down there and begged them to
come and sign. Of course they would, they said. With the documents
signed, we headed back to the Family Courthouse. Inside, I was doing
flips. I wanted to cry and scream and laugh and jump, but I couldn't on
the outside. All the way back we giggled and talked about the weather.
Neither of them felt the consequence of what had just happened. As we
walked I was reminded of my prayer that I had prayed just a block away
earlier that morning. Prior to yesterday, everyone who knew anything about
this case told us that they didn't think she would show up. We were told
that she would be crazy to show up while doing drugs, etc. We were CERTAIN
that it would be an "easy" day because she wouldn't show. But God doesn't
do "easy". He does things His way. I am learning that slowly but surely.
In that moment, the Lord reminded me that He did have His way, just like I
had prayed. He had done things SO miraculously that no one could dispute
that His hand was all over it. His business is not about making things
easy for us, but about building character in us and teaching us to trust
Him. Amazing. I can't type words to tell you how much so.
We ended up spending all day at the courthouse together. They didn't call
Mary's name until 2:00pm. She was the last one called. But I know that
sitting there all day was also apart of THE PLAN. We laughed and talked
all day about nothing. When I would look at her and her sister, I was sad
and relieved at the same time. I kept thinking all day, "That could have
been me. I could have been in their place." You know that saying, "There
but for the grace of God go I"? That's true. I have been blessed. I was
born to sane parents who loved me and did all they could for me. I have
had the privilege of a fantastic education, the gift of family and the
eternal foundation of the truth of the gospel and relationship with Jesus
Christ. But, it could've gone the other way. I could've been born to drug
dealers and grew up on the streets and been molested by family and dropped
out of school and gotten pregnant young and chosen to continue the
lifestyle I was brought into. I don't know why I am on my path and she is
on hers. I know the love of God is the same for both of us and His desire
for us to be one with Him is the same too. But the realization of all He
has given me since the moment of my conception is amazing. In addition, to
know that He has taken Raylen from that cycle and given her the opportunity
to grow in a safe environment is more amazing. Psalm 40 1-3 says,
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me up out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
I believe that although she was small and couldn't speak, God surely has
heard her cry. He looked ahead and saw her life and He lifted her from it.
He has truly given her a firm place to stand in Him and I pray that all who
hear and know about what He has done through her in her lifetime, will see
Him for who He is and put their trust in Him.
Needless to say, the Smith Family Three celebrated last night! Woo Hoo!!!
We spent the evening deciding on the spelling of Raylen's new name becausethe lawyer needs it soon. We have decided on Desaray Len Smith. Not the
name we would have chosen if we had named her in the beginning, but a name
that has history and strength and so it is hers. We will obviously
continue to call her Raylen which is a name we adore. Jason and I slept so
well last night. It is a relief like you can't imagine.
So what's the next step you may be wondering. We will go to a hearing with
our lawyer in ten days to have the birth parent's rights terminated. After
that there is a six month waiting period for all adoptions before the final
adoption hearing can be. Because we have already had Raylen with us since
July 13th, our lawyer feels that we will be able to have that hearing
before Christmas. Yippee! I have felt for a few weeks that she would be
our Christmas baby. How fun! That day will be so much fun and everyone
who wants to be there is invited. I will keep you posted. The good news
for you, is that as this process draws to a close, you won't be bombarded
by my enormously long emails! Jason, Raylen and I cannot thank each of you
enough for your love, support, prayers and words during all of this. We
have been blessed beyond measure and YOU are apart of that blessing.
Friday, November 3, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal X!
Hello everybody,
I wanted to update you with the outcome of the homestudies. Both went
extremely well. Last Monday was the first which was with the social worker
assigned to interview Jason and I and see Raylen in her environment. We
were really relieved to see her when she came because she was a very sweet
and loving grandmother type that made herself at home and put us at ease.
She talked with just Jason and I for a while and then toured our home and
visited with us informally while Raylen played with us. She was verygracious about us as a family and she said she didn't see any reason to not
recommend us as parents for Raylen. We were very relieved. And last night
was the second home study. It went very well as well. A little shorter
and different than the last, but we actually got more information from the
lady that came because she is actually an attorney for Raylen. She said
that after reviewing the entire case, she doesn't see anything as a problem
for this to go through and she confirmed to us that we have the best
attorney in the state. She said actually that our attorney is one of the
top 5 adoption attorneys in the country. That's amazing to me.
While we visited with her last night, we told her most of our story from
the time we heard about Raylen. Each time we tell it, it becomes more and
more amazing to me. One thing in particular that I said last night rang in
my ears as though I didn't say it, but needed to hear it instead. The
words were "We have not had to manipulate a thing to make this happen.
Every door has opened and encouraged us to keep moving forward." I have
thought about that all last night and this morning. Those words are exactly
true. I can think of times in my life where I wanted something to happen
or wanted something and I will play tricks with myself trying to make
things seem like the right thing or rearrange things so that something
would work out. Nothing ever turns out the way that I really wanted it to
and I miss the joy and peace of knowing that I didn't make it happen. For
several years through our journey, one thing became evident to us. We
wanted to know and it be clearly evident to all when we finally had a
family that it was all God's doing. We turned away from so many options
because it gave us too much control in the situation. We wanted God to do
this and Him only. And so He has. Very clearly for all to see. Not Jenn
working her "magic" to make things fall in line. Not us having to be
someone other than who we are. All of it in His timing and certainly not
ours. Every last detail His design. The most amazing part of all? God
does this all while we still struggle with all of the human shortcomings we
always have. Emotions, struggles, sin. Chains we attempt to lay down time
and again keep picking them back up along the way. God didn't wait for us
to be rid of all of those things to bless us. He has done it right now in
the midst of those issues and once again shown His great love to us. It
reminds me of Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrated His own love for us in that
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Wow. While we were
still sinning, He laid everything on the line for us. That's so humbling
for me.
You know, while I am on this particular journey and sharing it with you, I
feel so compelled to share all of me and the thoughts and emotions I am
having. I am not sure why other than maybe in some small way now or in the
future it might serve to encourage you. I am not perfect in any way. My
immediate family will testify to that as well as my extended family. I
struggle SO much with fear, doubt and sin I would be way too embarrassed to
mention today. Lately, in the midst of all of my blessings, it's been easy
to take what God has given me for granted. In a way I can't explain, I
have been revisiting things I believe or don't believe in and trying them
against the Bible to see if they match up. It isn't always easy to obey.
I saw an example of this just last night. Raylen was playing with her
kitchen set and she suddenly dumped all of the play food out of the basket
it belongs in onto the floor. She left it there and moved on to play with
her stroller. Dinner was about ready so I asked her to pick up the food
and put it back in the basket. She went over and put a few things in and
returned to the stroller. Once again, and many times after, I continued to
ask her to put the food away. Each time the same thing happened. Finally,
I went to her, got on her level and told her to put the food away. She
knew by my tone that I meant business so she went to put up the food. She
sat on that floor for twenty minutes trying to put all the food away. She
wasn't sitting there because she didn't understand the task. She was not
sitting there because she couldn't do what she was asked. She sat there so
long because she just didn't want to submit to do it. She would stop and
pitch a fit and cry and have to be reminded to return to the task. She
would get mad and throw some of the food and would have to be reprimanded
for her angry actions. Finally at the end, Raylen put in the last plastic
French fry and looked up at me and said "I did it Mommy!". It isn't always
easy to obey. Not for Raylen and not for me. We both fail at it most of
the time. But the love that God shows me while I am disobeying calls me
back time and again and makes me want to try harder.
This Thursday, I am scheduled to be in court all day to see if the birth
mother shows for a summons and try to get her to sign the paper work. It
is unlikely that she will show, but we are praying that she doesn't anyway.
If she does show, please pray that I will have the words in my mouth to say
to her so that she will sign the paperwork. We don't feel nervous, but
rather anticipation. These are exciting times for us and we so appreciate
you holding us up during it.
I wanted to update you with the outcome of the homestudies. Both went
extremely well. Last Monday was the first which was with the social worker
assigned to interview Jason and I and see Raylen in her environment. We
were really relieved to see her when she came because she was a very sweet
and loving grandmother type that made herself at home and put us at ease.
She talked with just Jason and I for a while and then toured our home and
visited with us informally while Raylen played with us. She was verygracious about us as a family and she said she didn't see any reason to not
recommend us as parents for Raylen. We were very relieved. And last night
was the second home study. It went very well as well. A little shorter
and different than the last, but we actually got more information from the
lady that came because she is actually an attorney for Raylen. She said
that after reviewing the entire case, she doesn't see anything as a problem
for this to go through and she confirmed to us that we have the best
attorney in the state. She said actually that our attorney is one of the
top 5 adoption attorneys in the country. That's amazing to me.
While we visited with her last night, we told her most of our story from
the time we heard about Raylen. Each time we tell it, it becomes more and
more amazing to me. One thing in particular that I said last night rang in
my ears as though I didn't say it, but needed to hear it instead. The
words were "We have not had to manipulate a thing to make this happen.
Every door has opened and encouraged us to keep moving forward." I have
thought about that all last night and this morning. Those words are exactly
true. I can think of times in my life where I wanted something to happen
or wanted something and I will play tricks with myself trying to make
things seem like the right thing or rearrange things so that something
would work out. Nothing ever turns out the way that I really wanted it to
and I miss the joy and peace of knowing that I didn't make it happen. For
several years through our journey, one thing became evident to us. We
wanted to know and it be clearly evident to all when we finally had a
family that it was all God's doing. We turned away from so many options
because it gave us too much control in the situation. We wanted God to do
this and Him only. And so He has. Very clearly for all to see. Not Jenn
working her "magic" to make things fall in line. Not us having to be
someone other than who we are. All of it in His timing and certainly not
ours. Every last detail His design. The most amazing part of all? God
does this all while we still struggle with all of the human shortcomings we
always have. Emotions, struggles, sin. Chains we attempt to lay down time
and again keep picking them back up along the way. God didn't wait for us
to be rid of all of those things to bless us. He has done it right now in
the midst of those issues and once again shown His great love to us. It
reminds me of Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrated His own love for us in that
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Wow. While we were
still sinning, He laid everything on the line for us. That's so humbling
for me.
You know, while I am on this particular journey and sharing it with you, I
feel so compelled to share all of me and the thoughts and emotions I am
having. I am not sure why other than maybe in some small way now or in the
future it might serve to encourage you. I am not perfect in any way. My
immediate family will testify to that as well as my extended family. I
struggle SO much with fear, doubt and sin I would be way too embarrassed to
mention today. Lately, in the midst of all of my blessings, it's been easy
to take what God has given me for granted. In a way I can't explain, I
have been revisiting things I believe or don't believe in and trying them
against the Bible to see if they match up. It isn't always easy to obey.
I saw an example of this just last night. Raylen was playing with her
kitchen set and she suddenly dumped all of the play food out of the basket
it belongs in onto the floor. She left it there and moved on to play with
her stroller. Dinner was about ready so I asked her to pick up the food
and put it back in the basket. She went over and put a few things in and
returned to the stroller. Once again, and many times after, I continued to
ask her to put the food away. Each time the same thing happened. Finally,
I went to her, got on her level and told her to put the food away. She
knew by my tone that I meant business so she went to put up the food. She
sat on that floor for twenty minutes trying to put all the food away. She
wasn't sitting there because she didn't understand the task. She was not
sitting there because she couldn't do what she was asked. She sat there so
long because she just didn't want to submit to do it. She would stop and
pitch a fit and cry and have to be reminded to return to the task. She
would get mad and throw some of the food and would have to be reprimanded
for her angry actions. Finally at the end, Raylen put in the last plastic
French fry and looked up at me and said "I did it Mommy!". It isn't always
easy to obey. Not for Raylen and not for me. We both fail at it most of
the time. But the love that God shows me while I am disobeying calls me
back time and again and makes me want to try harder.
This Thursday, I am scheduled to be in court all day to see if the birth
mother shows for a summons and try to get her to sign the paper work. It
is unlikely that she will show, but we are praying that she doesn't anyway.
If she does show, please pray that I will have the words in my mouth to say
to her so that she will sign the paperwork. We don't feel nervous, but
rather anticipation. These are exciting times for us and we so appreciate
you holding us up during it.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal X
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to keep you up to date on what's going on with the adoption.
We have several dates coming up shortly so please keep us in your prayers.
The first is 10/23 when we will have our first home study with the social
worker. Thankfully when I spoke to her I was calmed because she sounds
very sweet and we bonded as much as you can over the phone. She sent us a
packet full of DETAILED questions about ourselves that we have to answer.
It's pretty invasive. The second meeting is on 10/30 and is also a home
study with the ad lidem for Raylen that is a must for the adoption. The
third is a court date on 11/02. I have to attend a hearing that is between
Ronalda (Raylen's aunt) and Mary (Raylen's birth mom). The hearing is
regarding child support that Ronalda filed for when she had Raylen to show
the court that Mary was not financially supporting Raylen. The hearing was
set by the court for 11/02 and our attorney wants me to attend to see if
Mary shows up to get her to sign the papers. We don't think that she will
show up, but if she does, I will have the relinquishment on hand for her to
sign if she will. You can obviously see what are prayer requests would be
for this.
Things are "heating up" and we are prayerful that we will have a "Christmas
baby" this year. All our own and with our name. We are dealing with
things pretty good and trying to stay positive throughout everything. It
is difficult falling in love with a little girl that in the back of your
mind you have the possibility that she could be taken away from you. But
at the same time, we can't help but fall in love with her. She is the
biggest blessing we have ever received and we can't imagine life without
her.
I will continue to let you know how things are going. Thank you for all
your continued prayers.
Just wanted to keep you up to date on what's going on with the adoption.
We have several dates coming up shortly so please keep us in your prayers.
The first is 10/23 when we will have our first home study with the social
worker. Thankfully when I spoke to her I was calmed because she sounds
very sweet and we bonded as much as you can over the phone. She sent us a
packet full of DETAILED questions about ourselves that we have to answer.
It's pretty invasive. The second meeting is on 10/30 and is also a home
study with the ad lidem for Raylen that is a must for the adoption. The
third is a court date on 11/02. I have to attend a hearing that is between
Ronalda (Raylen's aunt) and Mary (Raylen's birth mom). The hearing is
regarding child support that Ronalda filed for when she had Raylen to show
the court that Mary was not financially supporting Raylen. The hearing was
set by the court for 11/02 and our attorney wants me to attend to see if
Mary shows up to get her to sign the papers. We don't think that she will
show up, but if she does, I will have the relinquishment on hand for her to
sign if she will. You can obviously see what are prayer requests would be
for this.
Things are "heating up" and we are prayerful that we will have a "Christmas
baby" this year. All our own and with our name. We are dealing with
things pretty good and trying to stay positive throughout everything. It
is difficult falling in love with a little girl that in the back of your
mind you have the possibility that she could be taken away from you. But
at the same time, we can't help but fall in love with her. She is the
biggest blessing we have ever received and we can't imagine life without
her.
I will continue to let you know how things are going. Thank you for all
your continued prayers.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal IX
I spoke with the lawyer last night and she was able to talk to the judge
yesterday. Although our attorney found a former case like ours showing
favor on our side, the judge is still uncomfortable with us going forward
without at least serving the birth mom with papers. With that said, the
attorney advised me that no matter what happens, Raylen will need an
attorney of her own to represent her best interests. She advised that we
go ahead and hire an attorney that she knows and is very comfortable with.
This attorney will send paperwork to the birth mom's last known address
(likely a shelter) and wait for about a week. If no response, we can move
forward and the judge will be comfortable terminating her rights. Our
attorney will be out the rest of this week and doesn't want to start this
process until she returns so we look for the other attorney to send her
paperwork to the birth mom by Monday.
In addition to this, I talked to Raylen's aunt last night and she has
spoken with some old friends of the birth dad recently. She heard from
them that the birth mother is smoking crack pretty heavily and riding
around in the back of a truck day and night. I am conflicted by this. On
one hand, her continued lack of responsibility and disregard for her life
and sanity is "good" for us and Raylen. It proves that she is in no
position to mother Raylen. But, on the other hand, as Raylen's biological
mother and as a human being, I feel sorrow for her. I hate to see that she
is abusing life in that way and that she can't get out of it. As much as
we want smooth sailing with our adoption, we pray in time that she will be
delivered of this lifestyle.
I will continue to keep you posted as we hear updates. Thank you again for
all of your prayers!
yesterday. Although our attorney found a former case like ours showing
favor on our side, the judge is still uncomfortable with us going forward
without at least serving the birth mom with papers. With that said, the
attorney advised me that no matter what happens, Raylen will need an
attorney of her own to represent her best interests. She advised that we
go ahead and hire an attorney that she knows and is very comfortable with.
This attorney will send paperwork to the birth mom's last known address
(likely a shelter) and wait for about a week. If no response, we can move
forward and the judge will be comfortable terminating her rights. Our
attorney will be out the rest of this week and doesn't want to start this
process until she returns so we look for the other attorney to send her
paperwork to the birth mom by Monday.
In addition to this, I talked to Raylen's aunt last night and she has
spoken with some old friends of the birth dad recently. She heard from
them that the birth mother is smoking crack pretty heavily and riding
around in the back of a truck day and night. I am conflicted by this. On
one hand, her continued lack of responsibility and disregard for her life
and sanity is "good" for us and Raylen. It proves that she is in no
position to mother Raylen. But, on the other hand, as Raylen's biological
mother and as a human being, I feel sorrow for her. I hate to see that she
is abusing life in that way and that she can't get out of it. As much as
we want smooth sailing with our adoption, we pray in time that she will be
delivered of this lifestyle.
I will continue to keep you posted as we hear updates. Thank you again for
all of your prayers!
Monday, September 18, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal VIII
Hi All,
Just a quick to ask for your specific prayers in the next couple of days.
I spoke with our attorney on Friday and since we have not heard back from
the birth mother, the attorney is going to go ahead and meet with the judge
either today or tomorrow to discuss our options. Our attorney feels good
about the judge granting us our request based on the mom signing her rights
over previously to the other couple. The attorney feels though that if the
judge does grant it now that if the birth mom ever tries to overturn it in
the court of appeals then she would win. We have thought and prayed and we
don't think that will happen because it will cost her a great deal of money
to do that. Please pray that the judge will grant our request so that the
adoption can be final soon. And please pray for Jason and I as we trudge
through this. The stress is enormous and we are struggling to maintain our
focus and not let the little things tear at us. We are ready for our
family to be settled! : )
Thank you for joining us with this. Your support is treasured more than
you know.
Just a quick to ask for your specific prayers in the next couple of days.
I spoke with our attorney on Friday and since we have not heard back from
the birth mother, the attorney is going to go ahead and meet with the judge
either today or tomorrow to discuss our options. Our attorney feels good
about the judge granting us our request based on the mom signing her rights
over previously to the other couple. The attorney feels though that if the
judge does grant it now that if the birth mom ever tries to overturn it in
the court of appeals then she would win. We have thought and prayed and we
don't think that will happen because it will cost her a great deal of money
to do that. Please pray that the judge will grant our request so that the
adoption can be final soon. And please pray for Jason and I as we trudge
through this. The stress is enormous and we are struggling to maintain our
focus and not let the little things tear at us. We are ready for our
family to be settled! : )
Thank you for joining us with this. Your support is treasured more than
you know.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal VII
Hello everyone!
I know it's been a while since I have written....things have been so busy
now that are lives are dictated by a two year old! Things have been
wonderful though and I want to update you on some exciting things!
Since I wrote last, Raylen celebrated her second birthday! We had a party
at home with family, but it also included a jump house provided by a
cousin. She had a blast! We had to keep prying her away from the jump
house because she was getting too red. She didn't like that. I think she
was a little overwhelmed by all of the presents and people. She got tired
of opening presents about half way through, but we convinced her to keep
opening. She was a doll and almost instantly she grew up from that
baby-like 24 month old to a 2 year old big girl! We've noticed that she is
getting taller and talking a lot more. She even graduated from her crib
this week to sleeping in her big girl bed! I have to say that it was a
very surreal thing to look down at this precious angel snuggled in the same
bed that I myself used to snuggle in as a child. I think you can call that
the circle of life. : ) We are still working on the potty experience.
She loves to sit on her training potty, but just thinks it's a chair to sit
on while I fill up the bath tub. And speaking of the bath tub, that girl
loves the water! She has some Elmo and Dora dolls that she plays with in
the tub and loves to get on her back and "swim" with Elmo and Dora. The
other thing that we have noticed is what a music lover she is. When we are
driving or watching TV, it is not unusual to hear her sing in a sweet
angelic voice her "La La's" trying to imitate what she just heard. She
also loves to dance!!! While I was loading the groceries in the car the
other day, Raylen was still in the cart and an Expedition pulled up with a
loud bass dance song playing. The driver had his window down as he sat
there waiting for a car up ahead of us to pull out. Raylen looked at him
for a minute and then let loose dancing up a storm! The man laughed so
hard he was crying by the time he got to move again. It was hilarious!
The weekend after Raylen's birthday, several friends threw us a celebration
shower at North Fort Worth. I had been excited for weeks about the shower,
but didn't know how overwhelmed I would be by this display of love until I
got there! It was amazing! The ladies hosting did an amazing job making
the party "Raylen friendly" and fun for all. We were so blessed by all of
the people who came and we are now well stocked with adorable clothes and
toddler essentials we desperately needed! I hope to have pictures soon of
the shower and birthday to send to you.
And two days ago, another amazing thing happened. The attorney called and
said that she had received the signed paperwork from the birth father! We
are thrilled! We were expecting them from him, but nothing is for sure
until you receive them. Additionally, I got a message from the birth mom
on Thursday asking to talk with me about Raylen, but although I have left a
couple of messages for her, I have not heard back from her. Our attorney
confirmed our thoughts that she probably wants to talk about signing her
rights to us as well because we have heard through the grapevine that she
talked to her own lawyer and the lawyer told her she didn't have much
choice in the matter. We are a beneficial option to her because if she
signs her rights to us, we will allow her to receive updates from us and
pictures of Raylen. We will see if she calls back though. With or without
her signature, we are in a very good place. We are not sure what the next
step will be, but everything should go quickly according to the lawyer. We
are amazed!
You know, it's funny to us how everything is turning out. For instance, we
got married and were ready for a family. It didn't work. Then I didn't
work full time for so long because we didn't want to get comfortable on two
incomes incase a baby came, then I had to go to work in 2004 (ironically
one month to the date after Raylen was born.) Then, at a time when thingsare seemingly the worst for us in a lot of areas, God is opening door after
door for us to be the parents of this little girl...and we know it's His
will! Last night as I was driving home from an appointment, I was asking
God for a miracle in our lives in some other areas. Asking is kind of a
gentle word. I was really begging Him. He reminded me that He had already
worked out all of the details of this adoption and given us Raylen on the
day we decided to start "trying" for a family. I didn't know then all of
the struggles and things we would go through, but God did. So, He said to
me last night, that He already has everything else worked out as well. Why
am I worrying? I responded that I am human...it's my nature. He said "But
I'm not human." What could I say to that? Of course He's got this!!! I
got a forward email from someone the other day talking about how our life
is but a blink compared to the Eternity that we will spend in Heaven. The
email talked of how this life is a dress rehearsal for Heaven. I know in
Heaven we won't have mortgages to worry about and lawyers and taxes and
bank accounts, but I know that the character I develop here while dealing
with those things affects my character for eternity. God is teaching us to
trust Him. In fact, He's been teaching us to trust Him all along. So, a
few minutes later when I got pulled over for speeding, I said silently, "OK
Lord. I will slow down and just trust You." : )
Thank you for praying for our family. Thank you for continuing to bless us
as you are! You are apart of our miracle and we are so grateful!
I know it's been a while since I have written....things have been so busy
now that are lives are dictated by a two year old! Things have been
wonderful though and I want to update you on some exciting things!
Since I wrote last, Raylen celebrated her second birthday! We had a party
at home with family, but it also included a jump house provided by a
cousin. She had a blast! We had to keep prying her away from the jump
house because she was getting too red. She didn't like that. I think she
was a little overwhelmed by all of the presents and people. She got tired
of opening presents about half way through, but we convinced her to keep
opening. She was a doll and almost instantly she grew up from that
baby-like 24 month old to a 2 year old big girl! We've noticed that she is
getting taller and talking a lot more. She even graduated from her crib
this week to sleeping in her big girl bed! I have to say that it was a
very surreal thing to look down at this precious angel snuggled in the same
bed that I myself used to snuggle in as a child. I think you can call that
the circle of life. : ) We are still working on the potty experience.
She loves to sit on her training potty, but just thinks it's a chair to sit
on while I fill up the bath tub. And speaking of the bath tub, that girl
loves the water! She has some Elmo and Dora dolls that she plays with in
the tub and loves to get on her back and "swim" with Elmo and Dora. The
other thing that we have noticed is what a music lover she is. When we are
driving or watching TV, it is not unusual to hear her sing in a sweet
angelic voice her "La La's" trying to imitate what she just heard. She
also loves to dance!!! While I was loading the groceries in the car the
other day, Raylen was still in the cart and an Expedition pulled up with a
loud bass dance song playing. The driver had his window down as he sat
there waiting for a car up ahead of us to pull out. Raylen looked at him
for a minute and then let loose dancing up a storm! The man laughed so
hard he was crying by the time he got to move again. It was hilarious!
The weekend after Raylen's birthday, several friends threw us a celebration
shower at North Fort Worth. I had been excited for weeks about the shower,
but didn't know how overwhelmed I would be by this display of love until I
got there! It was amazing! The ladies hosting did an amazing job making
the party "Raylen friendly" and fun for all. We were so blessed by all of
the people who came and we are now well stocked with adorable clothes and
toddler essentials we desperately needed! I hope to have pictures soon of
the shower and birthday to send to you.
And two days ago, another amazing thing happened. The attorney called and
said that she had received the signed paperwork from the birth father! We
are thrilled! We were expecting them from him, but nothing is for sure
until you receive them. Additionally, I got a message from the birth mom
on Thursday asking to talk with me about Raylen, but although I have left a
couple of messages for her, I have not heard back from her. Our attorney
confirmed our thoughts that she probably wants to talk about signing her
rights to us as well because we have heard through the grapevine that she
talked to her own lawyer and the lawyer told her she didn't have much
choice in the matter. We are a beneficial option to her because if she
signs her rights to us, we will allow her to receive updates from us and
pictures of Raylen. We will see if she calls back though. With or without
her signature, we are in a very good place. We are not sure what the next
step will be, but everything should go quickly according to the lawyer. We
are amazed!
You know, it's funny to us how everything is turning out. For instance, we
got married and were ready for a family. It didn't work. Then I didn't
work full time for so long because we didn't want to get comfortable on two
incomes incase a baby came, then I had to go to work in 2004 (ironically
one month to the date after Raylen was born.) Then, at a time when thingsare seemingly the worst for us in a lot of areas, God is opening door after
door for us to be the parents of this little girl...and we know it's His
will! Last night as I was driving home from an appointment, I was asking
God for a miracle in our lives in some other areas. Asking is kind of a
gentle word. I was really begging Him. He reminded me that He had already
worked out all of the details of this adoption and given us Raylen on the
day we decided to start "trying" for a family. I didn't know then all of
the struggles and things we would go through, but God did. So, He said to
me last night, that He already has everything else worked out as well. Why
am I worrying? I responded that I am human...it's my nature. He said "But
I'm not human." What could I say to that? Of course He's got this!!! I
got a forward email from someone the other day talking about how our life
is but a blink compared to the Eternity that we will spend in Heaven. The
email talked of how this life is a dress rehearsal for Heaven. I know in
Heaven we won't have mortgages to worry about and lawyers and taxes and
bank accounts, but I know that the character I develop here while dealing
with those things affects my character for eternity. God is teaching us to
trust Him. In fact, He's been teaching us to trust Him all along. So, a
few minutes later when I got pulled over for speeding, I said silently, "OK
Lord. I will slow down and just trust You." : )
Thank you for praying for our family. Thank you for continuing to bless us
as you are! You are apart of our miracle and we are so grateful!
Thursday, August 3, 2006
Adoption Journal Journey VI
Hello there,
My note is a little later than usual this week due to our baby girl being
sick on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing major, but that nasty cough worried
Jason and I so I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and she is doing better
with some medicine. It was so nice to be home with her those two days.
It's amazing what a difference there is in her temperament when we are
together all day instead of at day-care some of the day. I am praying for
God to make a way for me to stay home with her but until then, we are
thankful for our time together when we have it.
My last note told you about some funds that were needed for our adoption
now that the dad has agreed to sign the papers. I must tell you that there
were several days that we were very nervous about how that money was going
to come. Then Friday night of last week came and Jason said that we should
go and see how much he could get for his truck. Now pause for a second. A
little history about this truck is that Jason had been wishing for a truck
all last year and we spent many late nights with our friends running all
over car lots after hours looking in the windows of his dream trucks. In
November we were blessed with a little extra money that made for a great
down payment on a used truck...even though the truck that he chose looked
hardly used. It was such a fun time! He adored that truck and took great
care of it and even sulked for three days once when he spilled hot sauce on
the carpet in the front seat! So, fast forward. Why would he even suggest
that we see what we could get for it? Well, we spent a late night at the
dealership on Friday and found that we could get 3/4 of the amount of money
that we needed for the adoption paperwork by selling the truck. We didn't
make a decision that night because we wanted to think hard about what we
were doing. That night I told Jason that although we share everything, I
knew that this was his truck and it should be his decision about what to
do. I would be happy with whatever he chose. Secretly though, I was
almost hoping he didn't choose to sell it because I thought for sure that
he would mope around for weeks about losing the truck. Before the night
was over, Jason had made a call to our friend asking for a ride home from
the dealership the next morning. He had made a tough decision, but as he
told me, Raylen is worth more than the truck could ever be worth. The next
morning, we all went to the dealership and Jason kept hugging Ray Ray, I
think to remind him of what this was all for. He was a trooper and the
most attractive he has ever been to me during that morning. I saw him in a
new light, not because he was bringing the money in, but because he had
shown true leadership and inspiration to our family. Before they took the
truck, I took a picture of Jason and Raylen in front of it and plan to put
it in her baby book. I know from experience that there will be a day in her
teenage life where she will want to be "grown up" and want to rebel from
all that Jason and I teach her. She might even wonder if we really even
love her because teenage minds are often distorted with such things. But
on those days, I want that picture to remind her that her daddy loved her
more than himself and would give up that truck and more to see her smile
everyday. I wish I could tell you that I treat Jason with the respect and
love that he deserves everyday for doing such a thing and being the great
husband and father that he is, but I don't. I do know it in my heart
though and he has made a sacrifice that will forever shape our family. By
the way, I was wrong. He hasn't sulked once.
I receive a Bible verse emailed to me daily and this morning's read this:
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one
receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And
everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now
they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable
crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not
as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into
subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should
become disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
When I read that verse it reminded me of our current "race". I know
that Paul is talking about our race in life...obtaining the prize of
eternal life, but it hits closer to home today for me. For those of
you who have been through this process you know that it is hard. In
fact many have referred to this time as my labor as in pregnancy.
But, we are not going through this for nothing. The verse above
indicates that we are running this race for a prize! We know what
that is and she is certainly a prize! Her life can't be measured in
perishable things like trucks and money, but by eternity and love.
So as it says above, we can run with certainty knowing that we aren't
fighting for nothing, but every challenge becoming a discipline; the
discipline of trusting God; the discipline of speaking faith and
leaning on each other; the discipline of brokenness so that God can
be glorified through our lives. The last sentence really punches me
in the gut though...these disciplines are needed to keep us from
becoming disqualified! What do I think would disqualify me? Luke
warm faith. Doubt. Dishonesty. Dissension. All of these things
will keep me from the real prize...not Raylen perhaps, but the true
Joy and Blessing of discovering the generous heart of God through
this. The thing is, I want it all! I want all that God has to
offer! Babies, joy and knowing Him deeper! So, Jason and I run
on...and we know you are running with us.
We still have not heard from the birth mother yet and I am praying
about when is the right time to call her again. Right now we are
just enjoying our baby girl. She is the light of our life. She
learned to say Wow the other day and goes through stores saying it
over and over pointing at everything. I just crack up! I have to
share the cutest story though. My mom, (her Granna) taught her to
say I Love You in sign language. After only one time of doing it
with my mom, several days later I asked Raylen if she wanted to talk
to Granna on the phone. When I put the phone up to her ear and Mom
started talking to her, I could tell what Mom was saying because
Raylen put her hand close to the phone and made the I love you sign
with her hands. She won't do that to even us when we say I love you.
She is so smart. I couldn't have dreamed her any more precious than
she is.
My note is a little later than usual this week due to our baby girl being
sick on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing major, but that nasty cough worried
Jason and I so I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and she is doing better
with some medicine. It was so nice to be home with her those two days.
It's amazing what a difference there is in her temperament when we are
together all day instead of at day-care some of the day. I am praying for
God to make a way for me to stay home with her but until then, we are
thankful for our time together when we have it.
My last note told you about some funds that were needed for our adoption
now that the dad has agreed to sign the papers. I must tell you that there
were several days that we were very nervous about how that money was going
to come. Then Friday night of last week came and Jason said that we should
go and see how much he could get for his truck. Now pause for a second. A
little history about this truck is that Jason had been wishing for a truck
all last year and we spent many late nights with our friends running all
over car lots after hours looking in the windows of his dream trucks. In
November we were blessed with a little extra money that made for a great
down payment on a used truck...even though the truck that he chose looked
hardly used. It was such a fun time! He adored that truck and took great
care of it and even sulked for three days once when he spilled hot sauce on
the carpet in the front seat! So, fast forward. Why would he even suggest
that we see what we could get for it? Well, we spent a late night at the
dealership on Friday and found that we could get 3/4 of the amount of money
that we needed for the adoption paperwork by selling the truck. We didn't
make a decision that night because we wanted to think hard about what we
were doing. That night I told Jason that although we share everything, I
knew that this was his truck and it should be his decision about what to
do. I would be happy with whatever he chose. Secretly though, I was
almost hoping he didn't choose to sell it because I thought for sure that
he would mope around for weeks about losing the truck. Before the night
was over, Jason had made a call to our friend asking for a ride home from
the dealership the next morning. He had made a tough decision, but as he
told me, Raylen is worth more than the truck could ever be worth. The next
morning, we all went to the dealership and Jason kept hugging Ray Ray, I
think to remind him of what this was all for. He was a trooper and the
most attractive he has ever been to me during that morning. I saw him in a
new light, not because he was bringing the money in, but because he had
shown true leadership and inspiration to our family. Before they took the
truck, I took a picture of Jason and Raylen in front of it and plan to put
it in her baby book. I know from experience that there will be a day in her
teenage life where she will want to be "grown up" and want to rebel from
all that Jason and I teach her. She might even wonder if we really even
love her because teenage minds are often distorted with such things. But
on those days, I want that picture to remind her that her daddy loved her
more than himself and would give up that truck and more to see her smile
everyday. I wish I could tell you that I treat Jason with the respect and
love that he deserves everyday for doing such a thing and being the great
husband and father that he is, but I don't. I do know it in my heart
though and he has made a sacrifice that will forever shape our family. By
the way, I was wrong. He hasn't sulked once.
I receive a Bible verse emailed to me daily and this morning's read this:
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one
receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And
everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now
they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable
crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not
as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into
subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should
become disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
When I read that verse it reminded me of our current "race". I know
that Paul is talking about our race in life...obtaining the prize of
eternal life, but it hits closer to home today for me. For those of
you who have been through this process you know that it is hard. In
fact many have referred to this time as my labor as in pregnancy.
But, we are not going through this for nothing. The verse above
indicates that we are running this race for a prize! We know what
that is and she is certainly a prize! Her life can't be measured in
perishable things like trucks and money, but by eternity and love.
So as it says above, we can run with certainty knowing that we aren't
fighting for nothing, but every challenge becoming a discipline; the
discipline of trusting God; the discipline of speaking faith and
leaning on each other; the discipline of brokenness so that God can
be glorified through our lives. The last sentence really punches me
in the gut though...these disciplines are needed to keep us from
becoming disqualified! What do I think would disqualify me? Luke
warm faith. Doubt. Dishonesty. Dissension. All of these things
will keep me from the real prize...not Raylen perhaps, but the true
Joy and Blessing of discovering the generous heart of God through
this. The thing is, I want it all! I want all that God has to
offer! Babies, joy and knowing Him deeper! So, Jason and I run
on...and we know you are running with us.
We still have not heard from the birth mother yet and I am praying
about when is the right time to call her again. Right now we are
just enjoying our baby girl. She is the light of our life. She
learned to say Wow the other day and goes through stores saying it
over and over pointing at everything. I just crack up! I have to
share the cutest story though. My mom, (her Granna) taught her to
say I Love You in sign language. After only one time of doing it
with my mom, several days later I asked Raylen if she wanted to talk
to Granna on the phone. When I put the phone up to her ear and Mom
started talking to her, I could tell what Mom was saying because
Raylen put her hand close to the phone and made the I love you sign
with her hands. She won't do that to even us when we say I love you.
She is so smart. I couldn't have dreamed her any more precious than
she is.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal V
This is probably my most joyous of emails yet...and one I know most of you
have been waiting desperately for.
Yes, I did get to meet with the birth mother on Saturday and it went great!
I met her at noon at a local McDonald's and when she walked in I knew
instantly that it was her. We greeted, both with big smiles and sat down
to talk. She told me that her friend was coming in that drove her so I
waited a minute before jumping in because I wanted to make sure of what I
was dealing with the friend. The mom immediately dove in telling me about
all she was trying to do to get her life back on track and how she had
wanted to see her daughter but she wasn't allowed to. (This I know is
untrue, but I just let her talk) At first I felt defeated because she
sounded like she wanted the baby back, but then I literally felt a kick in
the lower portion of my back which caused my mouth to open and then words
just came pouring out.
I told her all about ourselves and how we wanted a family and what we would
like to give "her" daughter. I talked about our faith and hopes for
college for her and about wanting to live in the country and traveling the
country for vacations. She teared up many times at the thought of these
things and said that this was what she wanted for her daughter. I told her
that there was no judgement on our part towards her, but that we knew she
wasn't in a position to give her these things. I told her that the best
part about this option was she being able to be apart of the baby's life
throughout the years. I told her we would send pictures and letters and if
she wanted to see her, she could call and we would set up a time depending
on the situation. She was thrilled at that. The lady that was with her
loved the idea and kept telling her that this was the right thing to do.
At the end of the visit, I asked her if this was something that she would
be willing to do and she said yes, but that she wanted a couple of days to
think about it. I told her I absolutely understood and to take her time
except that we should move fairly quickly on this because CPS could come
and have her adopted and she would never be able to see her again. When we
stood up and after I shook the other lady's hand, I held her hand and her
arm and told her I was so glad to have met her. She grabbed me and hugged
me and with tears in her eyes told me that she was so glad to have met me
too.
I left there on cloud nine! Not because she was probably going to do this,
but because I knew a miracle had happened there. Many miracles in fact.
How amazing was it that I had the strength to go in the first place and
then amazing above everything else was that I felt actual love for this
woman. No judgement. Just love. Only God does that, believe me. I know
my heart and how it works. I could have easily have judged her and would
have if not for God working through me.
Well, guess what. The miracles don't end there. At 7:30pm that night, I
got a call from Raylen's aunt who said she had just checked her mail and
there was a letter in there from the birth dad. He had written one to her
and one to us. They both said that he would sign the adoption papers!!!!
Can you believe that??? Amazing! God is answering our prayers and making
our path straight. He has laid out this road for us and we are happy to
walk it by faith. When I was on the phone with the aunt, I asked her,
"Have you ever seen such a miracle?" and she said, "I thought when my
children were born that would be the last time I saw God move, but I was
wrong because this is a miracle!" Jason and I were overwhelmed with
emotion upon hearing that.
On Friday night before all of this happened, some dear friends gathered
with us to pray corporately for the meeting with the birth mother and for
the things going on right now. It was a wonderful and emotional time of
prayer, but also thanksgiving for all that God is doing in our lives. In
my prayers that night and every night I am reminded of what God has already
done for me well before this time with Raylen. In fact, I learned and
understood a long time ago through the Jewish teachings my Mom used to do
in Vacation Bible School, that God has already done enough for me. I'll
explain. When the modern day Passover meal is celebrated, there is a part
at the end where the guests sing an upbeat song while literally pounding on
the table called "Dayenu" The word means "It would have been enough". The
song's stanzas say "If He would have just brought us out of
Egypt...Dayenu..." and goes on to list all the things that God has done for
the children of Israel and for us each ending with "Dayenu"...It would have
been enough. But the miracle is that He continued to do more and more and
still does. So I know and I say with you, that if He would have just sent
His Son to die for us and raised Him from the grave so we could live with
Him for Eternity, Dayenu...it would have been enough. But He didn't stop
there for me...or for you. I thank Him for all the gifts He has given
me...salvation, my husband, my family, my friends, my pets, health,
prosperity, education, nationality, freedom, and now for this precious
baby. It reminds me of yet another song that we sing in church that fills
my heart now:
Amazing Love how can it be?
That You my King would die for me
Amazing Love I know it's true!
It's my joy to honour You
In all I do I honour You
I hope that each of you know and see with your eyes the value of your
prayers! God is doing miracles today in our life and I know He is also
about doing them in your life as well! We don't want this "Mountain Top
Experience" to end when the papers are signed and we go on about life.This is what God intends life to be! To see Him at work daily and to join
Him in that work. Please also let us know where we can join you in prayer
so that we can see God do great things for you as He has done for us. We
are filled with deep love for each of you for walking this journey with us.
Please keep praying....
have been waiting desperately for.
Yes, I did get to meet with the birth mother on Saturday and it went great!
I met her at noon at a local McDonald's and when she walked in I knew
instantly that it was her. We greeted, both with big smiles and sat down
to talk. She told me that her friend was coming in that drove her so I
waited a minute before jumping in because I wanted to make sure of what I
was dealing with the friend. The mom immediately dove in telling me about
all she was trying to do to get her life back on track and how she had
wanted to see her daughter but she wasn't allowed to. (This I know is
untrue, but I just let her talk) At first I felt defeated because she
sounded like she wanted the baby back, but then I literally felt a kick in
the lower portion of my back which caused my mouth to open and then words
just came pouring out.
I told her all about ourselves and how we wanted a family and what we would
like to give "her" daughter. I talked about our faith and hopes for
college for her and about wanting to live in the country and traveling the
country for vacations. She teared up many times at the thought of these
things and said that this was what she wanted for her daughter. I told her
that there was no judgement on our part towards her, but that we knew she
wasn't in a position to give her these things. I told her that the best
part about this option was she being able to be apart of the baby's life
throughout the years. I told her we would send pictures and letters and if
she wanted to see her, she could call and we would set up a time depending
on the situation. She was thrilled at that. The lady that was with her
loved the idea and kept telling her that this was the right thing to do.
At the end of the visit, I asked her if this was something that she would
be willing to do and she said yes, but that she wanted a couple of days to
think about it. I told her I absolutely understood and to take her time
except that we should move fairly quickly on this because CPS could come
and have her adopted and she would never be able to see her again. When we
stood up and after I shook the other lady's hand, I held her hand and her
arm and told her I was so glad to have met her. She grabbed me and hugged
me and with tears in her eyes told me that she was so glad to have met me
too.
I left there on cloud nine! Not because she was probably going to do this,
but because I knew a miracle had happened there. Many miracles in fact.
How amazing was it that I had the strength to go in the first place and
then amazing above everything else was that I felt actual love for this
woman. No judgement. Just love. Only God does that, believe me. I know
my heart and how it works. I could have easily have judged her and would
have if not for God working through me.
Well, guess what. The miracles don't end there. At 7:30pm that night, I
got a call from Raylen's aunt who said she had just checked her mail and
there was a letter in there from the birth dad. He had written one to her
and one to us. They both said that he would sign the adoption papers!!!!
Can you believe that??? Amazing! God is answering our prayers and making
our path straight. He has laid out this road for us and we are happy to
walk it by faith. When I was on the phone with the aunt, I asked her,
"Have you ever seen such a miracle?" and she said, "I thought when my
children were born that would be the last time I saw God move, but I was
wrong because this is a miracle!" Jason and I were overwhelmed with
emotion upon hearing that.
On Friday night before all of this happened, some dear friends gathered
with us to pray corporately for the meeting with the birth mother and for
the things going on right now. It was a wonderful and emotional time of
prayer, but also thanksgiving for all that God is doing in our lives. In
my prayers that night and every night I am reminded of what God has already
done for me well before this time with Raylen. In fact, I learned and
understood a long time ago through the Jewish teachings my Mom used to do
in Vacation Bible School, that God has already done enough for me. I'll
explain. When the modern day Passover meal is celebrated, there is a part
at the end where the guests sing an upbeat song while literally pounding on
the table called "Dayenu" The word means "It would have been enough". The
song's stanzas say "If He would have just brought us out of
Egypt...Dayenu..." and goes on to list all the things that God has done for
the children of Israel and for us each ending with "Dayenu"...It would have
been enough. But the miracle is that He continued to do more and more and
still does. So I know and I say with you, that if He would have just sent
His Son to die for us and raised Him from the grave so we could live with
Him for Eternity, Dayenu...it would have been enough. But He didn't stop
there for me...or for you. I thank Him for all the gifts He has given
me...salvation, my husband, my family, my friends, my pets, health,
prosperity, education, nationality, freedom, and now for this precious
baby. It reminds me of yet another song that we sing in church that fills
my heart now:
Amazing Love how can it be?
That You my King would die for me
Amazing Love I know it's true!
It's my joy to honour You
In all I do I honour You
I hope that each of you know and see with your eyes the value of your
prayers! God is doing miracles today in our life and I know He is also
about doing them in your life as well! We don't want this "Mountain Top
Experience" to end when the papers are signed and we go on about life.This is what God intends life to be! To see Him at work daily and to join
Him in that work. Please also let us know where we can join you in prayer
so that we can see God do great things for you as He has done for us. We
are filled with deep love for each of you for walking this journey with us.
Please keep praying....
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal IV
Hello!
Well, we are not officially all Smiths yet, but we are all three together
and that is a step!
We picked up our angel on Thursday night and drove straight to Abilene for
a long weekend. This may sound funny that we did this but we needed to get
away and relax and let off some of the pressure we have been feeling for
weeks. We did just that. Ray Ray had such a good time playing with
Madisyn (her cousin) and running around. She rode on the golf cart with
her Nawni and tried to ride the four wheeler (really she just climbed up
there by herself and we took pictures) and did a little fishing with Daddy.
At one point she got loose and ran to the sprinkler with clothes and shoes
on and drenched the "Daddy Loves me" shirt that Nawni had just bought her.
Oh well...it made for a big laugh and some great pictures.
We came home on Sunday to spend the evening with my mom and brothers, etc.
It was a good night because Mom was going in for back surgery on Monday.
Ray Ray loves her Granna and she can't wait till she is well enough to
really play with her. She also really enjoyed rubbing Uncle Joey's head
because he had freshly shaved it that day to cope with the heat. Uncle
Bubba is still warming up to her, but she has bonded with Aunt Kristle
already and loved posing for pictures with her.
We spent all day on Monday at the hospital and napping. Mom went home on
Monday afternoon, but we got a call at 3:30 on Tuesday morning saying she
was headed back to the hospital because she was in pain and the doctor was
afraid there was more wrong. I left the hospital at 5:45 to relieve Jason
at home so he could go to work. We found out later that morning that Mom
was going to stay a few days in the hospital because she has inflammation
in her back and since she is diabetic and the steroids they are giving her
to stop that inflammation would elevate her blood sugar, they wanted to
monitor her for that. She is still there and doing well.
Raylen is staying with my grandmother today and will hopefully start a
day-care next week. I would ideally love to find an in home day care that
I could really trust, but I haven't found anything yet. We are praying for
God to make all of those financial and logistic problems work out
perfectly.
Ray Ray is an angel. Literally. I can't tell you what a blessing she is
to us. Of course, she is almost 2. That can't be ignored and she is in to
everything! She is so busy! We are completely worn out and even my
coworkers today commented on my lovely dark circles under my eyes. But how
worth it. We are extremely blessed.
I am trying to contact the birth mom today but so far the numbers I have
for her aren't working. I will also try to send something to her shelter
to set up a meeting with her. My friend is putting together a special
prayer time before that meeting (when it is scheduled) to specifically pray
for her heart to be open and willing to sign so this does not have to go to
court.
I thought of something this morning when I was thinking about writing to
you today. As much as God is teaching Jason and I through this and
sustaining us and even though it sounds all nice and pretty on these
emails, we are humans and it isn't always pretty behind closed doors. For
instance, I have been letting fear seep in far too much and I take out my
stress on my husband by getting frustrated with him when he doesn't know
what I am thinking in my head automatically. Imagine that. And I feel as
though I have post partum anxiety (which I know is impossible given that I
have used no hormones to get Ray Ray here). I could laugh or cry or scream
at any given moment for no reason at all. I had an emotional break down in
Abilene this weekend and needed to talk to my Mom who thankfully calmed me
down. Everything is happening so fast that my head is spinning. I say all
of this to be honest with you and really share who we are and how life
really is. The true blessing of all of this though is that we have deep
and constant love for each other and for our little girl. Love covers over
a multitude of sin doesn't it? We are reminded daily of our joy and that
God is with us right where we are in whatever emotion we are having. One
of the encouraging things that has happened recently is Raylen (all on her
own) has started coming up to me and patting me on the leg and saying "My
Mommy" over and over. I take that as a sign to keep on trucking and keep
the faith.
One last thing to share. We don't have any kids cd's yet so Ray Ray and I
sing together a lot. She loves to sing much to my joy so we sing in the
car, in the tub and in the stores when she's restless. I have been singing
hymns to her because I want her to love them like Jason and I do and have
that foundation of our faith. One of the ones that we sing is "Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus. Sweetest Name I Know". Yesterday in Target, she was
restless and she started saying "Jeshus, Jeshus, Jeshus" so I started
singing the song quietly with her. It hit me all at once as I was singing
the words:
There's within my heart a melody
Jesus whispers sweet and low
Fear not I am with thee Peace be still
In all of life's ebb and flow
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Sweetest name I know
Fills my every longing
And keeps me singing as I go
He is with us and will be with us no matter what comes and what goes. I
know He has filled my every longing...He did that well before He even gave
us Ray Ray...He adopted me as His own, but even now He keeps us singing as
we go on this journey.
Thank you for your prayers. Please keep lifting us up. Your eternal
reward is far greater than any thanks I can give you.
Well, we are not officially all Smiths yet, but we are all three together
and that is a step!
We picked up our angel on Thursday night and drove straight to Abilene for
a long weekend. This may sound funny that we did this but we needed to get
away and relax and let off some of the pressure we have been feeling for
weeks. We did just that. Ray Ray had such a good time playing with
Madisyn (her cousin) and running around. She rode on the golf cart with
her Nawni and tried to ride the four wheeler (really she just climbed up
there by herself and we took pictures) and did a little fishing with Daddy.
At one point she got loose and ran to the sprinkler with clothes and shoes
on and drenched the "Daddy Loves me" shirt that Nawni had just bought her.
Oh well...it made for a big laugh and some great pictures.
We came home on Sunday to spend the evening with my mom and brothers, etc.
It was a good night because Mom was going in for back surgery on Monday.
Ray Ray loves her Granna and she can't wait till she is well enough to
really play with her. She also really enjoyed rubbing Uncle Joey's head
because he had freshly shaved it that day to cope with the heat. Uncle
Bubba is still warming up to her, but she has bonded with Aunt Kristle
already and loved posing for pictures with her.
We spent all day on Monday at the hospital and napping. Mom went home on
Monday afternoon, but we got a call at 3:30 on Tuesday morning saying she
was headed back to the hospital because she was in pain and the doctor was
afraid there was more wrong. I left the hospital at 5:45 to relieve Jason
at home so he could go to work. We found out later that morning that Mom
was going to stay a few days in the hospital because she has inflammation
in her back and since she is diabetic and the steroids they are giving her
to stop that inflammation would elevate her blood sugar, they wanted to
monitor her for that. She is still there and doing well.
Raylen is staying with my grandmother today and will hopefully start a
day-care next week. I would ideally love to find an in home day care that
I could really trust, but I haven't found anything yet. We are praying for
God to make all of those financial and logistic problems work out
perfectly.
Ray Ray is an angel. Literally. I can't tell you what a blessing she is
to us. Of course, she is almost 2. That can't be ignored and she is in to
everything! She is so busy! We are completely worn out and even my
coworkers today commented on my lovely dark circles under my eyes. But how
worth it. We are extremely blessed.
I am trying to contact the birth mom today but so far the numbers I have
for her aren't working. I will also try to send something to her shelter
to set up a meeting with her. My friend is putting together a special
prayer time before that meeting (when it is scheduled) to specifically pray
for her heart to be open and willing to sign so this does not have to go to
court.
I thought of something this morning when I was thinking about writing to
you today. As much as God is teaching Jason and I through this and
sustaining us and even though it sounds all nice and pretty on these
emails, we are humans and it isn't always pretty behind closed doors. For
instance, I have been letting fear seep in far too much and I take out my
stress on my husband by getting frustrated with him when he doesn't know
what I am thinking in my head automatically. Imagine that. And I feel as
though I have post partum anxiety (which I know is impossible given that I
have used no hormones to get Ray Ray here). I could laugh or cry or scream
at any given moment for no reason at all. I had an emotional break down in
Abilene this weekend and needed to talk to my Mom who thankfully calmed me
down. Everything is happening so fast that my head is spinning. I say all
of this to be honest with you and really share who we are and how life
really is. The true blessing of all of this though is that we have deep
and constant love for each other and for our little girl. Love covers over
a multitude of sin doesn't it? We are reminded daily of our joy and that
God is with us right where we are in whatever emotion we are having. One
of the encouraging things that has happened recently is Raylen (all on her
own) has started coming up to me and patting me on the leg and saying "My
Mommy" over and over. I take that as a sign to keep on trucking and keep
the faith.
One last thing to share. We don't have any kids cd's yet so Ray Ray and I
sing together a lot. She loves to sing much to my joy so we sing in the
car, in the tub and in the stores when she's restless. I have been singing
hymns to her because I want her to love them like Jason and I do and have
that foundation of our faith. One of the ones that we sing is "Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus. Sweetest Name I Know". Yesterday in Target, she was
restless and she started saying "Jeshus, Jeshus, Jeshus" so I started
singing the song quietly with her. It hit me all at once as I was singing
the words:
There's within my heart a melody
Jesus whispers sweet and low
Fear not I am with thee Peace be still
In all of life's ebb and flow
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Sweetest name I know
Fills my every longing
And keeps me singing as I go
He is with us and will be with us no matter what comes and what goes. I
know He has filled my every longing...He did that well before He even gave
us Ray Ray...He adopted me as His own, but even now He keeps us singing as
we go on this journey.
Thank you for your prayers. Please keep lifting us up. Your eternal
reward is far greater than any thanks I can give you.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal III
Happy Monday to everyone!
It is an unusually happy Monday for us this week because as of Saturday
night it was decided that our little angel will come home to live with us
full time on Thursday night! We are so excited! Before everyone gets too
excited, please know that this does not make everything final and we are
still far from that point. However, in order for us to file for custody
with the courts (should we need to go to court if the parents don't sign
the papers) then we will need to rack up as much time as possible with her
in our home. This is a HUGE adjustment as you can imagine because we have
not planned at all for this...but it is so wonderful that we are just
pushing through. Thank you to everyone who has offered their help and
support...We so need it!!!
As you know, anytime you become a parent it is a big deal. We never knew
how big of one until now. For us, this is becoming a very big spiritual
journey as well, thus the reason for these long emails from me! : ) For
me, it helps to write these things out and let you know what we are
learning and what's going on.
As for this week's spiritual awakening, I think it's rather funny that the
last time I wrote I talked about having faith that God has not left you,
etc. and not giving into the fear of being left alone in the "desert"
because, the very day after that, I was hit with a big wave of fear!
(Actually it's not funny at all!) I walked around work all day on Thursday
in a haze and I remember being in the elevator saying out loud (by myself!)
" I know You didn't bring us out here to just leave us here." And that is
the truth and what Jason and I are clinging to. It is enormously scary for
us to keep walking in this direction and it would be so easy to say no and
turn around. But we can't. We press on. At night we hardly talk because
we are in shock still and you can hear our deep breaths louder than the air
conditioner, but we press on. The main thing that keeps us going is
looking far into the future and thinking about how amazing it will be when
our daughter understands all that God has brought her through to give her a
family and all that He has brought us through to give us a child. Every
pain and fear is worth the thought of that moment for us. At night before
she goes to sleep and at meal times, Jason and I hold her hands and we all
close our eyes as Jason prays out loud. He thanks God for "RayRay" and for
the food and then asks God to make us a permanent family and have His way
in our lives. We want her to know from day one Who holds her future.
We are still praying for miracles in our life as well. Our attorney won't
represent us completely until we give her the $10,000.00 retainer. We are
working hard to get that now...we are planning to get second jobs and hold
fund-raisers and even sell a lot of things on Ebay...so if you are an avid
Ebay shopper...watch for our items! We are continuing to pray for the
birth parents that they would quickly and easily sign over their rights so
a long court battle will not be needed. We are also beginning to see the
stress take form in how we speak to each other and are praying for
protection against taking our stress out on one another and isolating
ourselves.
Well, I will leave you this week with another picture of our baby. I can't
help it! I just love her and I want to share her with you! I know some of
you are forwarding my emails on to those I don't have email addresses
for...if you want to send me those emails I can add them to the list.
Thank you for your prayers and support. We love each and every one of you!
It is an unusually happy Monday for us this week because as of Saturday
night it was decided that our little angel will come home to live with us
full time on Thursday night! We are so excited! Before everyone gets too
excited, please know that this does not make everything final and we are
still far from that point. However, in order for us to file for custody
with the courts (should we need to go to court if the parents don't sign
the papers) then we will need to rack up as much time as possible with her
in our home. This is a HUGE adjustment as you can imagine because we have
not planned at all for this...but it is so wonderful that we are just
pushing through. Thank you to everyone who has offered their help and
support...We so need it!!!
As you know, anytime you become a parent it is a big deal. We never knew
how big of one until now. For us, this is becoming a very big spiritual
journey as well, thus the reason for these long emails from me! : ) For
me, it helps to write these things out and let you know what we are
learning and what's going on.
As for this week's spiritual awakening, I think it's rather funny that the
last time I wrote I talked about having faith that God has not left you,
etc. and not giving into the fear of being left alone in the "desert"
because, the very day after that, I was hit with a big wave of fear!
(Actually it's not funny at all!) I walked around work all day on Thursday
in a haze and I remember being in the elevator saying out loud (by myself!)
" I know You didn't bring us out here to just leave us here." And that is
the truth and what Jason and I are clinging to. It is enormously scary for
us to keep walking in this direction and it would be so easy to say no and
turn around. But we can't. We press on. At night we hardly talk because
we are in shock still and you can hear our deep breaths louder than the air
conditioner, but we press on. The main thing that keeps us going is
looking far into the future and thinking about how amazing it will be when
our daughter understands all that God has brought her through to give her a
family and all that He has brought us through to give us a child. Every
pain and fear is worth the thought of that moment for us. At night before
she goes to sleep and at meal times, Jason and I hold her hands and we all
close our eyes as Jason prays out loud. He thanks God for "RayRay" and for
the food and then asks God to make us a permanent family and have His way
in our lives. We want her to know from day one Who holds her future.
We are still praying for miracles in our life as well. Our attorney won't
represent us completely until we give her the $10,000.00 retainer. We are
working hard to get that now...we are planning to get second jobs and hold
fund-raisers and even sell a lot of things on Ebay...so if you are an avid
Ebay shopper...watch for our items! We are continuing to pray for the
birth parents that they would quickly and easily sign over their rights so
a long court battle will not be needed. We are also beginning to see the
stress take form in how we speak to each other and are praying for
protection against taking our stress out on one another and isolating
ourselves.
Well, I will leave you this week with another picture of our baby. I can't
help it! I just love her and I want to share her with you! I know some of
you are forwarding my emails on to those I don't have email addresses
for...if you want to send me those emails I can add them to the list.
Thank you for your prayers and support. We love each and every one of you!
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
Adoption Journey Journal II
Hello again....
We have had an eventful weekend and wanted to share the developments with
you. First, let me say to everyone, thank you for praying for us and
supporting us the way you are. All of the calls and emails have been so
encouraging to us and continue to encourage us as we press on in this
journey.
We were finally able to meet the most beautiful little princess in the
world, Deziray, on Friday of this past weekend. We immediately bonded and
she sat with me the whole time. We were ready to pack her up and bring her
home right then! We made plans with her aunt and uncle to take her on
Fourth of July and introduce her to our families. So, we picked her up at
9 am on Fourth of July and began our day...and our adventure!
We drove to Mingus which is about an hour and a half away from Ft. Worth,
to meet Jason's family who had driven half way from Abilene for lunch. The
visit was great. Deziray had a great time playing with Madisyn, our four
year old niece and she wore herself completely out and slept all the way
home. Later that day we went to my mom's house and she met most of my
mom's family there. She was pretty tired by then, but she still ran around
the place like she owned it! After all of that, we went to a parking lot
and watched fireworks with her and finally put her to bed late that night.
She was exhausted and now so are we! But as Jason put it, it's the best
exhaustion we have ever felt.
So to date, we are waiting for our letter, the "All about us" scrapbook I
put together and the letter that Deziray's aunt and current caregiver wrote
to reach her birth dad. We found out last weekend that he is being
transitioned from his current facility and can have no visitors right now.
Hopefully, he will read the letters and contact us soon so that we can know
where he stands. We continue to pray for his heart to be open to us and
this option so that we don't have to pursue this in court. If he doesn't
respond fondly to the idea, then we will contact the birth mother again and
try that route. Our attorney has told us in no uncertain terms that this
case is definitely winnable, but it will cost a lot of money. In fact, her
firm requires a $10,000.00 retainer before they will begin representing us
officially. We have thought about looking for other attorneys but she is
the best in Texas and we feel comfortable staying with her at this point.
If we do have to go to court, we will need to have as much time saved up
with Deziray actually living with us as possible. So with that said, we
hope to bring her home in the next couple of weeks which we are so excited
about. Of course there are so many things that need to be done, but it is
a joy to do them. My friend gave us some adorable clothes to start her off
with and a crib, which is such a blessing that we don't have to buy!
(Thanks, Jennie!) Her aunt has some antique furniture belonging to one of
Deziray's great grandmothers which she would like her to grow up with so we
will have a whole suite for her.
Right now, we are on cloud nine! We love her so much and can't wait for
her to be truly ours. Please continue to pray that God will miraculously
move in this situation and have HIS way.
I was sharing with a friend the other day and reflecting on what God has
been doing with us for the past almost eight years of our marriage. It has
been a rough road. Marriage can be rough, life can be rough and things
never seem to go the way you planned. I never would have guessed the day
we were married that we would have had a problem starting a family and
through the past 7 1/2 years I have wondered many times and cried many
times over the "why me's". But, I was reminded about a year ago through a
failed attempt to adopt an unborn baby, that God has not forgotten us.
Remember when the Hebrews were slaves to the Egyptians in the Old Testament
and as far as they were concerned they would probably be slaves the rest of
their lives? God revealed Himself to Moses to lead them out of that
slavery into a promise that He would give them. So, here they go..all of
the children of Israel FINALLY get out of there and while they are waiting
around to go to this promised place they start doubting that they are even
going! They doubt God that He is with them or sees them and then they turn
on each other and eventually build an idol to worship because they think
God has forgotten them. Wow. How could they have forgotten that it was
His idea in the first place to bring them out of slavery and give them the
gift in the first place? But, isn't that the way it goes for us too? I
know for Jason and I it is. The years of infertility and worse yet,
childlessness, have proven to be our desert. It's easy to get caught up in
the why me's and think that God has forgotten us. But in our hearts we
KNOW He hasn't. How could He? He led us here and has promised us only
good things to prosper us. I am grateful for these years that I have been
sad and fearful and hopeless...in those feelings and in my sin that seems
to creep up when you doubt God, I have grown so much and truly tested what
I know to be true about God. And you may be thinking that this sounds
great for a girl who now thinks that she will finally be a mother. No. I
am not blind to the chance that this will end up just a dream and that she
won't be ours forever. But the beauty in that is that God is still
remembering us. Even through that. He knows when we are about to die of
hunger and He sends us manna from Heaven. My prayer for you is that you
can know too that God hasn't forgotten you in your desert. Wherever it is.
He sees you and He knows you and more importantly He loves you and can't
wait to lead you into His promise. I am trusting that for me and for you.
I apologize for all my long emails. You know me as a very long winded
person! : ) But thank you for sharing this experience with us and for
holding us up. The THREE of us are eternally grateful.
We have had an eventful weekend and wanted to share the developments with
you. First, let me say to everyone, thank you for praying for us and
supporting us the way you are. All of the calls and emails have been so
encouraging to us and continue to encourage us as we press on in this
journey.
We were finally able to meet the most beautiful little princess in the
world, Deziray, on Friday of this past weekend. We immediately bonded and
she sat with me the whole time. We were ready to pack her up and bring her
home right then! We made plans with her aunt and uncle to take her on
Fourth of July and introduce her to our families. So, we picked her up at
9 am on Fourth of July and began our day...and our adventure!
We drove to Mingus which is about an hour and a half away from Ft. Worth,
to meet Jason's family who had driven half way from Abilene for lunch. The
visit was great. Deziray had a great time playing with Madisyn, our four
year old niece and she wore herself completely out and slept all the way
home. Later that day we went to my mom's house and she met most of my
mom's family there. She was pretty tired by then, but she still ran around
the place like she owned it! After all of that, we went to a parking lot
and watched fireworks with her and finally put her to bed late that night.
She was exhausted and now so are we! But as Jason put it, it's the best
exhaustion we have ever felt.
So to date, we are waiting for our letter, the "All about us" scrapbook I
put together and the letter that Deziray's aunt and current caregiver wrote
to reach her birth dad. We found out last weekend that he is being
transitioned from his current facility and can have no visitors right now.
Hopefully, he will read the letters and contact us soon so that we can know
where he stands. We continue to pray for his heart to be open to us and
this option so that we don't have to pursue this in court. If he doesn't
respond fondly to the idea, then we will contact the birth mother again and
try that route. Our attorney has told us in no uncertain terms that this
case is definitely winnable, but it will cost a lot of money. In fact, her
firm requires a $10,000.00 retainer before they will begin representing us
officially. We have thought about looking for other attorneys but she is
the best in Texas and we feel comfortable staying with her at this point.
If we do have to go to court, we will need to have as much time saved up
with Deziray actually living with us as possible. So with that said, we
hope to bring her home in the next couple of weeks which we are so excited
about. Of course there are so many things that need to be done, but it is
a joy to do them. My friend gave us some adorable clothes to start her off
with and a crib, which is such a blessing that we don't have to buy!
(Thanks, Jennie!) Her aunt has some antique furniture belonging to one of
Deziray's great grandmothers which she would like her to grow up with so we
will have a whole suite for her.
Right now, we are on cloud nine! We love her so much and can't wait for
her to be truly ours. Please continue to pray that God will miraculously
move in this situation and have HIS way.
I was sharing with a friend the other day and reflecting on what God has
been doing with us for the past almost eight years of our marriage. It has
been a rough road. Marriage can be rough, life can be rough and things
never seem to go the way you planned. I never would have guessed the day
we were married that we would have had a problem starting a family and
through the past 7 1/2 years I have wondered many times and cried many
times over the "why me's". But, I was reminded about a year ago through a
failed attempt to adopt an unborn baby, that God has not forgotten us.
Remember when the Hebrews were slaves to the Egyptians in the Old Testament
and as far as they were concerned they would probably be slaves the rest of
their lives? God revealed Himself to Moses to lead them out of that
slavery into a promise that He would give them. So, here they go..all of
the children of Israel FINALLY get out of there and while they are waiting
around to go to this promised place they start doubting that they are even
going! They doubt God that He is with them or sees them and then they turn
on each other and eventually build an idol to worship because they think
God has forgotten them. Wow. How could they have forgotten that it was
His idea in the first place to bring them out of slavery and give them the
gift in the first place? But, isn't that the way it goes for us too? I
know for Jason and I it is. The years of infertility and worse yet,
childlessness, have proven to be our desert. It's easy to get caught up in
the why me's and think that God has forgotten us. But in our hearts we
KNOW He hasn't. How could He? He led us here and has promised us only
good things to prosper us. I am grateful for these years that I have been
sad and fearful and hopeless...in those feelings and in my sin that seems
to creep up when you doubt God, I have grown so much and truly tested what
I know to be true about God. And you may be thinking that this sounds
great for a girl who now thinks that she will finally be a mother. No. I
am not blind to the chance that this will end up just a dream and that she
won't be ours forever. But the beauty in that is that God is still
remembering us. Even through that. He knows when we are about to die of
hunger and He sends us manna from Heaven. My prayer for you is that you
can know too that God hasn't forgotten you in your desert. Wherever it is.
He sees you and He knows you and more importantly He loves you and can't
wait to lead you into His promise. I am trusting that for me and for you.
I apologize for all my long emails. You know me as a very long winded
person! : ) But thank you for sharing this experience with us and for
holding us up. The THREE of us are eternally grateful.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Adoption Journals
Hello everyone,
Boy have I got an opportunity for you!
Very recently, I was contacted by my cousin that she knew a family with
a two year old little girl that needed a home. The baby's mom and dad
have "issues" and are not able to have custody of her now and probably won't
be able to have custody of her ever. She now lives with her aunt and uncle
who love her very much, but aren't in a position to care for her long
term. They have had her for eight months.
Jason and I have met the aunt and uncle and plan to meet the baby this
Sunday. Amazingly, we all loved each other! So much so that it seemed
as though we had known each other our whole lives! The aunt was also kind
enough to send me and give me some pictures of the baby...she is so
adorable! We have already fallen in love with her!
Today, all four of us went to see an attorney. She was very honest and
direct with us and the theme of her message was that this was going to
be a battle. As it stands now, the mother has signed over her rights to
another couple who has backed out of an adoption and now the mother is
reconsidering signing over her rights to anyone else. She is in no
position to take care of the baby and doesn't want to, but doesn't want
to give up her rights because of the stigma associated with that. The
father is hesitant about signing his rights over, but in the position that he
is in, doesn't have much choice. If neither parent agrees to sign, the
baby will eventually be placed with CPS and then to foster care and a long
court battle will likely take place.
As I said before, we are already in love with this child. From the
moment we heard of her, God placed a great love in our hearts. This goes way
beyond just wanting to be parents. We want to give her the love she so
deserves. Just one of the things that God is talking to us about
through His word is "He that began a good work in you, will be faithful to
complete it even to the day of Jesus Christ." (Pil. 1:6). We are trusting Him to
do that now. Also, Jason and I were both reminded of specific names and
faces (maybe yours!) that have not given up on us through the years and even
now! And of course, God has certainly not given up on us so how could we give
up on this little one when the going gets rough!
Now, here's how you can help! We are coming to you and asking that you
join us in a massive prayer attack on this situation. I believe that God has
a plan already laid out for us and for this baby. He said that He has
known each of us before we were even knit together inside our mother's and I
believe that He sees us now and is leading us to His will. I know that
nothing is impossible for Him and that we can ask all things of Him
through faith. Will you join us?
Here are the key things to pray for:
Please pray first that God would have His way! Jason and I want
nothing but what HE wants and if HE doesn't want it we are out! Please pray
that we hear Him loud and clear at all times and that we only move
where His hand leads.
Please pray that our hearts be guarded. Our first instinct is to
claim this baby as our own, but we know that in the event that God has not
given her to us, we will be in despair. Pray that we will not be
heart-strong, but rather wait on God's leading.
Please pray for the baby and the aunt and uncle and cousins that live
with her now. Pray for their safety and health. Pray that God would
bless them richly for the way they have so generously cared for this
baby.
Please pray for the birth mom and dad. Above all, as believers in
Christ we desire that they come to a place of true repentance and
follow Christ. We pray earnestly for this. Also, as difficult as their
situations are, I can't imagine the feelings that come from being
displaced from your child. Please pray that their hearts would be
mended during this process.
Right now, please pray that God in His way and time would touch the
hearts of this mom and dad to sign the paperwork needed to place this
baby for adoption. The past two years have proven that they are not a
safe environment for her. Barring a miracle in their lives and
hearts, this baby needs a loving and stable home which we can provide. We
know that only God can lead them to do this...not any man's words or
actions and we pray for a miraculous interception for this.
And collectively, please pray that God would continue to straighten
this path as we walk by faith. I know that He sees far beyond what our
eye sees and we trust that He has already made a way where we think there
is no way.
We so thank you for joining us in this opportunity. Please feel free to
pass this note to anyone that you feel may want to join us in prayer. (
I'm sorry I don't have all the email addresses I would like to have!)
We look forward to celebrating with you when we see the fruits of this
labor of love!
Boy have I got an opportunity for you!
Very recently, I was contacted by my cousin that she knew a family with
a two year old little girl that needed a home. The baby's mom and dad
have "issues" and are not able to have custody of her now and probably won't
be able to have custody of her ever. She now lives with her aunt and uncle
who love her very much, but aren't in a position to care for her long
term. They have had her for eight months.
Jason and I have met the aunt and uncle and plan to meet the baby this
Sunday. Amazingly, we all loved each other! So much so that it seemed
as though we had known each other our whole lives! The aunt was also kind
enough to send me and give me some pictures of the baby...she is so
adorable! We have already fallen in love with her!
Today, all four of us went to see an attorney. She was very honest and
direct with us and the theme of her message was that this was going to
be a battle. As it stands now, the mother has signed over her rights to
another couple who has backed out of an adoption and now the mother is
reconsidering signing over her rights to anyone else. She is in no
position to take care of the baby and doesn't want to, but doesn't want
to give up her rights because of the stigma associated with that. The
father is hesitant about signing his rights over, but in the position that he
is in, doesn't have much choice. If neither parent agrees to sign, the
baby will eventually be placed with CPS and then to foster care and a long
court battle will likely take place.
As I said before, we are already in love with this child. From the
moment we heard of her, God placed a great love in our hearts. This goes way
beyond just wanting to be parents. We want to give her the love she so
deserves. Just one of the things that God is talking to us about
through His word is "He that began a good work in you, will be faithful to
complete it even to the day of Jesus Christ." (Pil. 1:6). We are trusting Him to
do that now. Also, Jason and I were both reminded of specific names and
faces (maybe yours!) that have not given up on us through the years and even
now! And of course, God has certainly not given up on us so how could we give
up on this little one when the going gets rough!
Now, here's how you can help! We are coming to you and asking that you
join us in a massive prayer attack on this situation. I believe that God has
a plan already laid out for us and for this baby. He said that He has
known each of us before we were even knit together inside our mother's and I
believe that He sees us now and is leading us to His will. I know that
nothing is impossible for Him and that we can ask all things of Him
through faith. Will you join us?
Here are the key things to pray for:
Please pray first that God would have His way! Jason and I want
nothing but what HE wants and if HE doesn't want it we are out! Please pray
that we hear Him loud and clear at all times and that we only move
where His hand leads.
Please pray that our hearts be guarded. Our first instinct is to
claim this baby as our own, but we know that in the event that God has not
given her to us, we will be in despair. Pray that we will not be
heart-strong, but rather wait on God's leading.
Please pray for the baby and the aunt and uncle and cousins that live
with her now. Pray for their safety and health. Pray that God would
bless them richly for the way they have so generously cared for this
baby.
Please pray for the birth mom and dad. Above all, as believers in
Christ we desire that they come to a place of true repentance and
follow Christ. We pray earnestly for this. Also, as difficult as their
situations are, I can't imagine the feelings that come from being
displaced from your child. Please pray that their hearts would be
mended during this process.
Right now, please pray that God in His way and time would touch the
hearts of this mom and dad to sign the paperwork needed to place this
baby for adoption. The past two years have proven that they are not a
safe environment for her. Barring a miracle in their lives and
hearts, this baby needs a loving and stable home which we can provide. We
know that only God can lead them to do this...not any man's words or
actions and we pray for a miraculous interception for this.
And collectively, please pray that God would continue to straighten
this path as we walk by faith. I know that He sees far beyond what our
eye sees and we trust that He has already made a way where we think there
is no way.
We so thank you for joining us in this opportunity. Please feel free to
pass this note to anyone that you feel may want to join us in prayer. (
I'm sorry I don't have all the email addresses I would like to have!)
We look forward to celebrating with you when we see the fruits of this
labor of love!
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