A Tucker Lady Tradition

Each year, the women from my mom's side of the family gather for an ornament exchange. This year, the party was at my grandmother's house. Last year we couldn't have the party because she was in the hospital from December 5th through the holidays with a near fatal brain aneurysm. Here is a picture from our evening.

Vulnerable

Webster's dictionary defines the word vulnerable in two ways: 1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded and 2. open to attack or damage.

Yesterday, I understood more about those definitions than I wanted to. Raylen and I went to my grandmother's house like we normally do once a week to visit and run errands with her. Memaw and I were particularly preoccupied yesterday with a Christmas project we are trying to get done. Raylen was not feeling well and I decided to lay her down on Memaw's bed. A few minutes into her "laying down", I heard her playing with Memaw's jewelry on her dresser. "That's okay", I thought. Harmless enough. A few minutes later, Raylen came to me and said, "That gum is shooey", meaning she didn't like some sort of gum. I hadn't given her gum and didn't know what she was talking about, so I asked her where the gum was and she led me to a little bottle that had been tucked in with Memaw's watch on her dresser. The bottle held Nitrogliceren pills that we all knew was for Memaw's heart during an attack or emergency. I panicked. I don't know why, but I called my mom first. She said go to the ER NOW! I scooped Raylen up and tossed her in her seat. We sped (yes sped) to the closest hospital, all the way telling her to try to spit up whatever she had in her tummy.

When we got to the hospital, I told the orderly checking in what happened. A nurse overheard me and took us right in as she talked to someone on her radio about Raylen. Again, I was panicked. In an instant, Raylen was in a gown, hooked up to all sorts of moniters and I was in tears. As we waited, the Holy Spirit spoke very clear to me.

Looking at Raylen, so vulnerable in that bed, me so incapable of stepping in to save her, I began to understand something about God that I never realized before. He had made a choice to make Himself vulnerable for us. As I write that now, I realize that I had heard that before the Holy Spirit spoke to me yesterday, but maybe I never really got it before. Maybe it was more of a catch phrase of sorts. What I mean is this: Each day, we live in a fallen world. We are keenly aware that this is NOT paradise. We go ahead and have children, knowing in the back of our minds that things can happen to them that won't be pleasant. We haven't experienced a life without anxiety, pressure or trial and so we trudge on. God, on the otherhand, has lived for eternity in a level of peace my mind cannot imagine. He is not someone created, but rather He the creator. He is on the throne of all of time and yet, He chose vulnerablity. As a mother, I can see that God made Himself truly vulnerable by allowing His own son to be vulnerable as a baby and man in this world. He not only knew the joys that a child's life would hold, but He knew the days that Jesus would be sick, that He would have His feelings hurt by another child and of course, God knew the day that Jesus would know the ultimate shame and pain of taking on our sin and dying on the cross for us. Wow. John 1:14 says, "The Word (Jesus)became flesh and dwelt among us..." It could have easily have read The word became vulnerable and dwelt among us. He chose that for us. Chose. We do in spite of, but God chose. Would you choose to let your child go through any pain even for the good of another? I don't think I would. And the whole picture is this: God's choice to send Jesus as our Saviour wasn't an afterthought after we had messed everything up in the Garden of Eden. Jesus wasn't plan B. In contrast, Jesus has always been plan A because God knew the outcome of our days before He set the world in motion. And so again, God chose to be vulnerable when He could have thrown the whole plan out before it began. Amazing.

This season and the little manger scenes in our house becomes tangible when I understand the heart and intentions of the God that loved me enough to become vulnerable so I can experience a peace in Him this world cannot offer. Be blessed to know that the same is true for you.

By the way, Raylen is great. The doctor doesn't think she got any real amount in her. We are very thankful....

Happy St. Nicholas Day

We started a tradition last year of visiting Santa Claus (all be it at the mall), on December 6th to mark St. Nicholas day. If you don't know about St. Nicholas, he was the inspiration for our very commercialized version of Santa Claus. Read about St. Nicholas here http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38 and enjoy our token photo for this year.

A New Tradition

I don't know if you were watching Good Morning America this morning, but they kicked off a national campaign to collect donated coats for homeless people today. Ben Affleck was there donating some gently used coats of his daughter's and Burlington Coat Factory brought 300 new coats to donate. Burlington Coat Factory is also allowing their stores to be drop off zones for the coats. All of that is fine and good, but to tell you the truth, I almost turned the channel away. Almost, until I saw the montage of the people they are hoping to help.



Most of you probably know that Raylen was homeless for the first year and a half of her life. She was actually one of "those people" that we feel so disconnected from living in a homeless shelter in our prosperous country. It is very difficult for me as her mother to imagine that my little girl was in that position ever. We have a puffy green coat that is getting a little small for Raylen now, but still it hangs in her closet and will forever as far as I am concerned. Raylen got the coat her first Thanksgiving, I believe. Her Aunt Ro and Uncle Mike went to visit her in the Ft. Worth homeless shelter where she lived with her birth mother. Ro was so sad and moved to see that Raylen didn't have a coat in the cold weather. She went right out and bought that puffy green one and took it straight back to her in the shelter. Suprisingly, through the many ups and downs in Raylen's little life, that coat managed to stay with her right to her permanent home with us.



Today, when I saw the pictures of those children and families in the shelters, I was moved too thinking about my little girl having been one of those kids. I am so thankful for the kindness of Ro and Mike for making sure that she had that coat when I could not.



So, thank you Ro and Mike and here is a picture to document the coat that Raylen and I have given this year in your honor to someone else who's waiting for their miracle.

Mya Ann turns One

Last night, we celebrated my cousin Mya's first birthday. Mya was born last year after my aunt and uncle prayed to have her for thirteen years. She is a beautiful little girl and very serious. We can't wait for her to grow just a little so she and Raylen can really play together. Already Mya likes for Raylen to chase her a little bit.
Mya's parents love all things Native American, so Mya's party was Indian themed. She wore a little Indian Princess outfit and my uncle made little teepees for the kids.

That's our girl

I was looking at some pictures this morning and came across this one that I took Sunday night at my mom's house. Raylen and I helped her decorate her Christmas tree that night and I was just snapping random shots. This one, though is classic Raylen.

Anyone who knows her knows that she loves and adores shoes. She has since the first day we got her. She wants to have shoes on at all times and the world is out of sorts if something is on her shoe or the buckle is undone. She gets scolded often for running through our house with her plastic heeled play shoes on-Jason is petrified that she will fall on the wood floors and break something. Her love of shoes has now expanded to include my shoes. She thinks they're fancy I guess. They are, of course NOT fancy, but fascinating to her just the same.

So, when I examined this picture again, I noticed that she is in true Raylen form-decorating her G-Da's tree with my heels on. Priceless....

Abilene High Beats Southlake Carroll!

For those of you who don't know, my husband is originally from Abilene. He is faithful to his town heritage and with that comes a love of high school football. This past Saturday, Abilene High played the defending 3 year champions, Southlake Carroll at Texas Stadium. We really weren't expecting muc h since Carroll has won the past 3 years. But, in a nail biting thriller, Abilene took the victory with only a one point lead! It was exciting and even more exciting for Jason to see his little girl cheering on the school he loves. Here are my favorites from the day.

Better late than never!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I know, I know. It's December 3rd. Time has already gotten away with me this holiday season, but I wanted to make sure I posted a little about our Thanksgiving.
We had a wonderful time this year. On Wednesday night, we celebrated with my dad's side of the family. Raylen had a great time playing with her cousins and my girl cousins and I had a great time at my cousin Angie's house playing some new video karaoke game. We sang until 1:30 am! Fun!
On Thursday, we went to my Aunt Lynn's on my mom's side and we had lots of fun playing games and things after a lot of of turkey.
I hope that your Thanksgiving was as great as ours...we have so much to be thankful for!

L.O.V.E. just doesn't cut it

Before I was a mom, I heard mothers everywhere, including my own say that the love one feels for their child is unlike any other love they ever knew. I was envious of that love and wondered about how it was even possible. Like so many things in life, infertility and childlessness leaves you with a weird sensation of not truly believing something without experiencing it. Needless to say, when Raylen came to us I was anxious to feel this love and almost tried to make it happen on my own. I did love her immediately, but truth be told, with the speed of our situation and the events surrounding her adoption, I was numb and couldn't feel much of anything.

But now, after a year of chaos, our life has developed a routine and now I have learned to relax as a mother and really let myself feel what is developing between my daughter and I. Even at three, Raylen has a deep understanding of what the word love means...and the word L.O.V.E that we commonly say just doesn't cut it. No, she loves out loud, the way I remember my dad loving and the way I am learning that our Saviour loves. Passionate, unbridled, curious, physical and most of all LOUD. I can feel that love in my heart now for her and it shocks me everyday that it has grown again when I thought I had reached the peak.

This photo is one of my favorites of her because it captures her sweet spirit. She was tired of me posing her and she was ready to go play, but she didn't complain and kept sitting there.

Father's Day

Sunday was Father's Day. It was the first Father's Day for my husband. It got me thinking about my own dad and what my daughter will remember later about her dad. I decided to post the greatest thing my dad ever taught me outside faith in a living God. I actually have a list in my heart that I carry around with me now that Daddy is in Heaven, but for blog's sake, here is the top.

The most important thing my dad ever taught me was to love out loud---loud enough for those you love to really know you love them. My dad was great at that. If he loved you...hey, if he liked you, you really knew it. There wasn't alot of beating around the bush with Daddy. He told you right then and often and he showed it by being there for you and for giving all he had. I read recently that a good dad loves you and a great dad points you to the One who loves you. That's what my dad did for me. He knew what it meant to love every moment and like there was no tomorrow.

They grow up too quick

I always heard my parents and other adults say that my brothers and I were growing up so fast when we were young. My mom still tells me how to her it was only a few days ago that I was my daughter's age. Some days though, I have to admit, parenting a two year old can seem like the days don't pass quickly enough! But, even on those trying days, I am always conscious that time ticks just a little quicker these days and my precious little one will soon be flying from my nest.

Maybe I have a heightened sense of this because I didn't get my daughter until she was nearly two or maybe every mother feels this way. The other day in the grocery store, I was keenly aware of my feelings on the matter when a perfectly harmless grandmother type asked me how old Raylen was. I told her 2 1/2 and she said "Oh! Almost time for preschool next year!" I know I must have scowled immediately because her smile left her face when she looked at mine. I said to her, "No, I think she will stay at home with me until kindergarten." The lady didn't even respond I don't think and just pushed her cart on to the next aisle.

Poor lady. She got the brunt of my fears and insecurities that I hadn't dealt with yet. As trying as being a parent can be, I want to soak up every ounce of Raylen. She is already a perfectly potty trained little girl instead of the bouncy round toddler we brought home. Far too soon, I will be telling her that it was only a few days ago that she was running around with her pig tails....