Twas the night before Christmas....

Raylen woke up on Christmas morning at 4:30am. She came to our door and began beating on it calling for me to wake up. As an official Santa's Elf, I had only gone to bed 3 1/2 hours earlier so it was a bit hard for me to drag myself out of the warm bed to answer her calls. When I got to the door, my little blonde girl, dressed in her red plaid Christmas nightgown and still rubbing her eyes, told me that she had just seen Santa. She put her hand over her mouth as she always does when she has just told or heard something so amazing she can't even believe it. Still groggy I asked her to repeat it and she told me the same thing. "Honey, I think you were dreaming", I said. "No. I saw him, Mommy" she replied. Raylen then told me a whole story about how she had been dreaming and something woke her up. She said she saw Santa at her window tapping on it and waving. Then, she said he got in his sleigh and flew away with the reindeer after he wished her Merry Christmas. I shook my head with a grin on my face and hugged her and told her that was a fantastic story. She hadn't even seen what was under the tree yet, so I directed her to look while I tried to wake up and reflect on what she'd just told me.

Now, I have to admit that throughout the morning I kept thinking about the story. Raylen had told me the story in such vivid detail that it seemed magical and convincing-I really wanted to believe it too! This thought puzzled me. I am a grown woman who has been VERY well aware of the details of Christmas wonderment for some time. I KNOW in my mind that there is no way in the world that Raylen saw Santa Claus at her window. Yet my heart, soft, whimsical and always looking for a fairytale, somehow wanted to believe that the joke had been on me all along and that truly, for me and Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Later that day, still thinking about the story as I recalled it for other family members, the Lord spoke to me about my belief in other things...namely Him. I was reminded about how easily it is to be swayed by others thoughts and beliefs and of course by the media and our culture. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is God and Jesus is His son, all God and all man, died on the cross after leading a sinless life and rose from the grave three days later and that by faith in Him I will live in Eternity with Him and others who trust in Him. These things are non negotiables and I KNOW them to be true like I KNOW that I am breathing right now. But, somedays, when I've watched way too much television or I've read too much garbage, I think, what if they're right? What if I'm wrong? When I question those things I know are truths, I go back to point A and I am reminded of what and who Truth is.

The Lord used my daughter's fanciful dramatization of Santa to remind me of the importance to guard my heart and mind from lies and thoughts that are only half truths. The Bible says, "Above all, guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23. I'm going to do a better job of that in 2009...this I resolve.

Extreme Fun!

If you haven't heard already, Extreme Home Makeover has come to town....well not exactly the town that my zip code corresponds to, but around here, towns overlap so easily that it feels like it's our town! The house is located only about 3 miles from our house and the family receiving the gift is someone we used to go to church with and the photographer that did our precious 5 year anniversary photos. The whole town has been buzzing this week and it's been an exciting time to watch the community join together to help this family.

So....of course I wanted to be apart of that too! I didn't get the opportunity to go hang out at the the house until Saturday night. My friend Rachel and I left our hubbies home with the kiddos and ventured out to the site around 9pm. The workers literally work throughout the night and a spectator area is set up for gawkers to watch the work as it happens. We spent a little while watching and taking pictures and then realized that we had to get a free tshirt that they were handing out to volunteers. We petitioned to be a volunteer at the volunteer tent, but they said that the slots were all full and there was an eight page waiting list! We saw our friends Vanessa and Janna go to work their shift and we decided to stay for a bit longer to watch them work. By 11:15, we were ready to give up, but a security guard suggested we go to the volunteer tent one last time to see if anyone had not shown up. We were ecstatic to find that they needed more people and we were quickly given shirts and hard hats and escorted to the concession tent to serve. We were taken aback though when we heard that the shift was until 6am! We just couldn't do that long with our Sunday family duties coming soon, but we assured the foreman we could stay for a couple of hours anyway. We were a little giggly and delirious while serving and stocking the tables with cokes, snacks, cookies and pizza as far as the eye could see. We were able to load up trays of goodies and walked around serving those working in and out of the house. The house is beautiful, but we weren't permitted to take interior photos. We left shortly after 2:30, just after eating a Texas favorite Al's Hamburger which had been delivered for the 2am meal. We were so happy to have helped out even a little and can't wait to see the show in February or March. For more info and phots on the house visit http://www.extreme.wall.com/default.html


Extreme Reality! Woo Hoo!

My official tshirt after a long night of work!

Me on trash duty

Food as far as the eye can see!

Vanessa and Janna while we were still on the outside looking in.

Rachel and I are bonded for life after this experience!

Looking at the house from the spectator area.

Hard workers....

Join the Conspiracy

Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday was a rough day for me. There's a lot of stress in life right now...all productive, but stress none the less. And then, the day I never thought I would see came-I turned 30. I know it's not that big of deal, but to me, I still feel 17 inside and I can remember clearly my parents turning 30, so it seems a bit odd that I am there now too. Anyway, below is an email that my mom sent me last night. It was interesting to me to see in print the many adventures of my parents around the time of my birth. Life seems so chaotic to me sometimes and I wonder if Raylen is getting the stability and attention that she needs and deserves. When I read my mom's email though, it made me feel better to know that life happens as it happens and you learn and grow through it all. (Sorry Mom for printing your email without your permission :)

Jenny,

This is a very special day for me. You were born 30 years ago and oh how wonderful that was. We were so young we really didn't know what to expect when we got you. But during the whole "year" of gestation something was always going on to make it memorable. For instance:

1. Daddy started a new job in Dallas and 20 minutes into the job he falls and breaks his leg. It is winter and he is in a Dallas hospital.
2.In February on the way to the doctor to see if I was pregnant, daddy hit a truck in front of us. ( He was looking at a blonde at the 7-11.) Aunt Lynn separated and divorced Phil. March or so she met Michael Rowan.
3. In July we went camping 2 hours away and neither one of us remembered to wear or bring shoes with us. And at that time I thought you were going to be born at the end of August or the first of September.
4. Daddy went back to work in September.
5. We were given showers for you with the cards addressed to "Jason".
6. Aunt Lynn and Uncle Michael got married on November 10th. I was way overdue with you. After the wedding we went and ate at the German Restaurant.. After dinner it was cold and I ran to the car with daddy, panty hose falling down all the way.
7. November 11th Daddy and I wanted to make a sign for the front yard saying that the baby was here, leaving room for boy or girl, even though we thought you were a boy.
8. That Saturday morning I started labor even though I wasn't sure that I was. Daddy and I worked on the sign and also put a dish washer in. That night we were going to Reggie and Linda's to play games, usually Tri-Ominoes. I was in clear labor at that point.
9. Because I couldn't sleep all night on Sunday morning November 12th, 1978 we called the doctor and said my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. He said to go to the hospital. We got there about 9am. You were not born until 7:46 pm. A lot of people were there. Your great grandmother on your mothers side was there with gifts for a boy, but she gave them to us anyway.
10. When you were born daddy could not be in the room but he was just outside the door. When you were born the nurse couldn't tell him what you were when he asked her, all she said was that "she" was born. Daddy was so happy. They asked me what your name was and I told them Jennifer Len Tidwell. As I was laying on the table while they finished with me, I looked over at you and just immediately fell in love with you. You were such a special baby. The first thing Daddy said when he saw you was that you looked just like me. You had lots of dark hair, (I'm sure that you got that from PaPa) and you were absolutely beautiful! And yes new borns are beautiful. I knew that I was blessed. Your daddy and I both never regretted having you. We loved and cherished you from the very beginning and I still love and cherish you now. The next day after you were born Daddy and Memaw went all over town looking for just the right shirt for you. And he found it. He always made life so fun. You got your fun side from him. Your serious side we know where that came from.

I just wanted you to know what a special year that was. We went through quite a bit before you were born and more after. Nine days after you were born daddy got hurt again, this time he broke his other leg and his right arm. And that began a whole new story. To be continued........

You are very much loved by a whole lot of people, but mostly by me and your daddy, because I know that you feel him around you all the time.

I love you baby girl and Happy Birthday

Mama

Be beautiful inside with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. 1 Peter 3:4

The title verse is one my favorites and one I memorized early on as a teenager. It has become a prayer for me over my daughter as she grows into a young woman...here's an example of why.

One of the things that I am learning about myself as I grow as a parent is what character traits are important to me. Growing a four year old in 2008 is difficult. We are surrounded by Britney Spears and Gossip Girl, up to our ears in a self indulgent society and the loudest voices we can hear are the ones telling us that thin and pretty are the only things that matter. I am learning more and more that my job as a mother is to instill virtues of the heart in my daughter, not the appetite for fleeting earthly treasures. I am amazed everyday at the genuinely gracious and loving heart that flows from her. She doesn't see size, color, beauty as distinguishing qualities in anyone...she loves all people and wants to be close to everyone. Still, when I blow dry her hair in the mirror she likes to admire herself and say how pretty she is. This was put to an end recently when I realized, that although harmless enough, a four year old admiring herself turns into a sixteen year old completely involved in herself and her looks. She is learning that it is okay to admire the beauty that God has given us, but instead of praising ourselves for it, we must praise He that made us in His beautiful image. It has been a sweet time to hear her, now on her own, say to God, "Thank you God for making my hair and teeth and for making everything." I pray that this heart in her continues to grow. I don't wish that she be popular with boys or other girls. I don't want her to be a cheerleader or be the next American Idol. If anyone says to me ever that they can see a true and pure spirit in her heart and recognize a true love of others within her, then I will know I have done the job God has given me to do as her mother. It is an arduous task in this day and age, but one I am willing to dedicate my life to.

In Addendum

I wrote the previous post this morning before I went to church and since coming home, I realized that I didn't share the whole story....an important part.

Because Daddy died in October, the streets in our neighborhood were already filled with the usual Halloween decorations when we made our way home from the funeral that day. In our family, my parents had long since felt the conviction to not have our family participate in Halloween celebrations. We used to trick or treat when we were kids, but God had spoke to them clearly when we were still young that Halloween was not a holiday that was honoring to Him and so we quit trick or treating and did not involve ourselves with any part of the day other than dressing in theme for the church's fall festivals each year. Because of this lifestyle choice, I had become accustomed to ignoring the witches and ghosts hanging on the doors and in the trees of homes during the month and not giving the whole holiday much thought. But something struck me about Halloween the day that we turned onto our street after my dad's funeral. On the lawn of the corner house there was more than just the usual witches and ghosts-there were about five lifesize replicas of caskets standing on end with the doors half open and several tombstones scattered around the yard. I remember gasping when I saw them even though I had seen them everyday before and paid no attention. Having just come from the real life scene of watching pallbearers close and seal the casket on the body of my own daddy and living that enormous pain, how could anyone use death as fun and games or make light of it as to celebrate it? I understood in that moment a new conviction for myself about Halloween and also something about the heart of my Saviour. First, for me, death is horrific and awful and to particpate in any kind of holiday that holds death in high esteem is out of the question for me. I made a commitment that day to follow that conviction that still guides us even now with our daughter. Second, I heard clearly the voice of the Lord say to me that day that He is as sad, angry, mad, etc at death as I am. He never created death. He created us to live eternally with Him in the joy of relationship with each other and Him. But, we who chose and still choose sin over Him made death a reality and so when we grieve, He grieves too. The amazing thing is that God wasn't satisfied to leave us in our sin and ultimate death. Like everything He does, God chose to take our mistakes and grave situation and turn it into an opportunity for us to trust Him to overcome in our circumstance. My Saviour, my Jesus, who knew NO sin, willingly endured the pain and wickedness of death He did not create, so that death would have no victory over my life or any other. There is no celebration in death-only celebration in the victory that Jesus won over death when He rose from that death bed and shattered the hold that death had over us. Now, in light of this victory, we have the opportunity to choose life eternally again, something that was lost in our sin. My dad made that choice-to trust Jesus as his saviour and because I have made that choice as well, I know that I will see him again and LIVE for eternity because death is now just a bridge, not and eternal sentence.

I realized I needed to share this story today when we sang Overcame in church. I've printed the words below and included the video as well. Jesus did overcome for us...in death especially, but He is still overcoming in our daily circumstance. No problem, no fear, no relationship is too far gone that God will not overcome for you if you submit your will to Him and trust that He will.

Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only son perfect and spotless one
He never sinned, but suffered as if he did

All authority, every victo-ry is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours

Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever, awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome

October 22, 2002

You know that feeling that comes over the atmosphere right before September 11th every year? That eery feeling of how you were living life as usual and then out of nowhere the world changed. I've heard many people say that each year they relive that whole week in their minds and the stress of just thinking about it in that way causes anxiety like it was truly happening again.

That happens to me each year the third week of October too. Six years ago today I was in Abilene for a wedding and Jason's truck was having some problems. I called my dad from Abilene for advice on what to do and my normally very loving, cheerful and helpful daddy was irritated and quick to get off the phone. He said he wasn't feeling good-a stomach bug maybe, but he wasn't in a good mood. The day before, we had had a great day together waiting for Jason to get off of work. We ate lunch together and watched A Knight's Tale-Daddy's first time and he loved it just like I knew that he would. We got home late that night and the next night went to play games at a friend's house. I came in late to my parents' house that night too (we were living with them while our house was being remodeled) and heard my dad call to me to get him a wet washcloth. He had fever and needed to cool down. I was sure he had a virus. Tuesday morning I went to work as usual-Daddy seemed better...even cheerful. Mama told me later that he rode around in his work truck with my brothers just watching because of his broken and casted leg. Then, at 2:15 I get a call at work that Daddy has collapsed at home and the ambulance is taking him to the ER. My uncle was there and drove me to the hospital right behind the loud sirens of the ambulance. My brother, being trained in ER told us when we got there that they don't turn on the sirens unless it's really serious. We waited and waited. Then a doctor came to tell me, my mom and my two brothers, all holding hands that they were "doing everything we can to save his life". My mom lost the muscles in her legs and we had to hold her up. The mom I had before that moment left forever in that moment. More waiting all day. About 100 people showed up to honor Daddy and give support. Some brought food even to the hospital. Most stayed for the long hall. Some good news came when they moved Daddy to ICU and told us he had a blood clot in his leg that they needed to break up. They said he would be there at least five days. Jason and I went home to get mom some food and her meds, but never made it there. On the way, a friend called to say that I needed to come back immediately and by the time we got there, no one was allowed in his room because the doctors were working on him. My mom was in the corner on the floor crying and praying. I paced I think for a while. Finally, the door opened and without a word, I knew what the outcome had been by the look on the group of doctors faces. His longtime general practicioner came out with his head hung and that's when I knew. Jason tells me that I screamed, but I don't remember that. I couldn't hear a sound. All of the sudden I was on the phone listening to the tears of friends, more like family that were far away and wanting desperately to be there with us. Eventually, that group of thirty or so that had stayed to the end, ended up in my daddy's room overlooking his peaceful, lifeless body. Nothing felt right. In the two hours before he passed, my dad struggled to breathe using all of his strength to make sure that his own father knew that Daddy was going to Heaven and that he wanted him to go to. He told his dad to "trust Jesus" and to talk to my mom later with all the questions he must have. The only thing I knew to do in that moment to honor this amazing man was to sing. I knew then and know now that Daddy was absent from his body, but present with God and so we sang a song of hope for the day we will all be together again. Thirty people in a room, holding hands, singing through tears "When We All Get to Heaven".
Three days later we had a funeral with more than 400 people there to honor my dad. Our grief was softened when, after the gospel was presented, a childhood friend of my dad's came down that day to make a profession of faith in Christ.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my daddy. He is by far the best man I've ever known on this earth. I am grateful and feel like royalty to have had him as my father. Amazingly, I see him in my little girl. Her bright blue eyes, sweet smile and her love for people and for all things fun. She knows how to truly live just like my dad. Someday, I'll get to introduce her to him and he'll hand her all the balloons he's collected for her that she's let go through the years.

You Know Your Child is Adopted When....

....you are sitting at the town square enjoying some yummy Milwaukee Joe's with your family and your daughter is waving to a baby and her family and blurts out to the baby's mother "Did your baby grow in your tummy?" Then, with puzzled looks lingering on the other family's faces, you have to explain that your child was adopted and that you explain this miracle to her by saying that she didn't grow in your tummy, but in another lady's tummy and then God brought her to us. The couple smile and say "That's great!" but you still have to have a talk with your child all the way home about how most children do grow in their mommy's tummies, so let's not ask that question especially to perfect strangers.

My mom, who witnessed the whole thing said, "I never once experienced anything like that when you kids were little". She's right, but we do experience them almost on a daily basis in some form. I find these things hilarious and another excuse to marvel at the Joy and miracle that God has gifted us with in our little girl.

Raylen's First Day of Homeschool!

We are off to a late start, but as of today we are officially homeschoolers! Woo Hoo! We got off to a late start because I could not find an acceptable "deal" on the curriculum Jason and I had picked out back in May at the homeschool book fair. After months of searching and MANY Ebay losses, I was referred to a great little shop called The Book Cover which sells used homeschool curriculum. On Saturday, my mom, Raylen and I stopped at the shop as an afterthought on our way home from a day full of garage sale-ing. I didn't plan on finding much and was dissappointed to learn that they didn't have the books I was looking for. But, the ladies were so friendly and pointed me in another direction that enabled me to get virtually the same thing I was going to get in a little different format for 1/5 of what I was going to spend! I LOVE a bargain! I stayed up until midnight last night doing my lesson plans for the fall and woke up bright and early (4:45 am!) to get our supplies together. We had a great day of learning: Math-counting to twelve and learning about a dozen; Virtues-Sharing while making blown bubble paint art; Seasons-Celebrating Fall and Families with a handprint family tree and singing songs and doing finger plays about starting school. It was such a fun day!

A couple of neat things to share: At the store the other day, I told the ladies there that my mom had homeschooled us. They immediately wanted to know the years that we were in school. I found out that day that homeschooling had been illegal in Texas until 1982 and had cases still pending in Arlington during the years we started, 1989. It was such a fun memory to have my mom and teacher there with me to get my curriculum to start teaching my young daughter. Back in those days of homeschooling, it wasn't always pretty, but I am grateful for mom/teacher heros like mine who plowed through anyway, making the way easier for me and Raylen.

Also, I want to publically praise God for the miraculous ways He has worked in our home preparing our lives and hearts to homeschool Raylen. He has taught me invaluable lessons on praying and waiting on Him while speaking directly to Jason instructing him to lead us in this direction. I marvel at the transitions our family has gone through in the last couple of years and the truly miraculous growth in the last year. I can say with confidence that God never leaves us or forgets the tiniest of our heart's desires.

Enjoy photos from today!

Snack Time! Apple Slices....yum!

Counting to twelve and learning about a dozen-This was a BIG hit!

Learning to share-Raylen takes a turn blowing the bubble paint while Ella holds the paper to catch the bubbles.

Raylen colors her handprints on her Fall Family Tree

Deep Thoughts with Raylen Smith

Every now and again I get a moment of clarity. A moment that defines all others and brings everything else into perspective. I had one of those moments today.

As you know, I wrecked my car last week and while we've been waiting to go buy a new car, I have been driving a borrowed early model Dodge truck. It has a pseudo back seat, but Ray's car seat doesn't fit back there, so she rides next to me in the front. It's been kind of fun because she likes holding my hand and we sing songs and she talks...alot. This morning on the way to church was no different. For whatever reason, during one of her stories she said "Mommy, you are my mommy and nobody else's right?" I said "yes, just yours." Then she said, "And you're always going to be my mommy and not leave and be someone else's mommy?" I wanted to cry! I told her no, I would never leave her and I would always be her mommy and that God had given her to me and me to her and no one can undo what God has done. She was satisfied and went on to talk about one of her friends from church, but I was left thinking.

From time to time, things like this come up in conversation with Raylen. I call her my Forever Girl during the day and she smiles. She deals with emotions that most children don't. She remembers the day that we became a forever family. She knows that she didn't always live with us or that she didn't grow in my tummy. As much as we celebrate those things, her questions today reminded me that there is a flip side to her emotions that leave her unsure of what comes next given the shakiness of her start in life. Thinking about my four year old daughter's deep well of emotions left me feeling even more grateful and proud to be her mommy. I honestly can't think of a greater privelage in this world than to be able to look at a child and promise them that you will always be their parent and being able to literally see security fill their eyes.

As usual, I drifted off thinking of all the children not as fortunate as Raylen who still wait day after day praying for a forever family. They don't have anyone to reassure them that their forever is secure. May I take another opportunity to ask you to turn their future around? You have the privelage and the responsibility of giving these little lives security. I know it's scary and difficult and you may not even know where to start. But, think right now about where you would be without the person or people in your life that gave you your future. Can and would you deny that same blessing to these that beg for it in their hearts? As I've said before, PLEASE pray and consider your role in adoption! EVERYONE has a part! Parents, financers, prayer partners and supporters all have equal roles to fill. I can tell you from personal experience that there is NOTHING in my life that has ever measured up to Jason and I laying down our pride and fears and opening our hearts to Raylen. We were imperfect before her and are imperfect even now, but a miracle happened to us the moment we met her and I am convinced that you can experience that miracle too. You can be somebody's forever.

A Window Into Our World

If you know anything about our daughter you know that she LOVES playing dress up. Most nights, we are entertained by her in a princess gown doing some sort of performance. Tonight was no different. Enjoy this peek into our little world. I tell her all the time that she is the joy of my heart...I think you can see why.

Heritage of Hope

It has been a rough week at our house. After getting a late start on the week due to the holiday, Jason got noticed late Tuesday night that he was to leave for Louisiana with his job early Wednesday morning to help with the clean up there. They told him not to expect to come home for seven days. Being without him was very hard-we take each other for granted a lot I think, but Raylen and I were making due.

Saturday, Raylen and I went to my mom's to help out with some things at her house, but I left her there in the afternoon so I could get to church to take care of the kids for Saturday night services. On my way to the church I stopped for a coke and while pulling out of the parking lot, a car hit me on my front driver's side. It was a pretty hard crash and my car is really messed up, but thankfully, all I got was a bump on the head and the teens in the other car are weren't hurt at all. The battle now begins with insurance companies, etc. but I am so grateful for God's protection and that Raylen was not with me. Jason got special permission to come home to take care of the situation, so we were so happy to see him pull in the driveway today at noon.

Today in church, I was reminded of something that happened the first night Jason was gone. Raylen got to sleep with me (a treat for her, but good company for me) and we both had a tough time falling asleep with Daddy gone. She asked me to sing to her and so I sang Jesus Loves Me with all the verses. One of the verses says "Jesus loves me He who died..." After I finished that verse Raylen started crying and said "I don't want Jesus to be dead!" I consoled her telling her that it was okay...Jesus didn't stay dead-He's alive!!! That helped for a minute, but she soon started crying for Daddy too.

Since that night, Raylen has asked me several times about Jesus being dead and alive again. I have had the privelage to share with her quick snippets of the amazing thing that Jesus did for us and His miraculous ressurection. Today, as we sang "Stronger" I was overcome with joy that I have a Saviour who isn't dead that I can introduce my daughter too. Think about this: Every other faith in our world is built around a deity that was either once alive or was created by a human. When children of those faiths ask their parents about their gods being dead or alive, there is no hope that the parents can give to the child because death was the final scene for the deity. My faith is different-Jesus wasn't confined to death and burial and certainly wasn't created by human hands. He is God in flesh and by the power of the living God, He rose from that grave and we now have an eternal hope in Him. I have the extreme pleasure of sharing this hope with my daughter-what an exciting gift!

Here are the words we sang today. I hope that it inspires you to gratitude as well for the hope we have that can only be found in the LIVING Christ.

There is Love
That came for us
Humbled to
A sinners cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

Faithfulness
None can deny
Through the storm
And through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger
You are stronger
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning
And no end
You’re my hope and my defence
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

Let Your Name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher
Be lifted higher

Chains are not a fashion statement

Now that I have my political remarks out of the way....

Lately, God has been dealing with me about something and it has lay a little dormant in my heart for a while and was stirred again in church this morning. I may have discussed it here before, but indulge me a bit more please.

The Bible says that before we come to know Christ as our Savior we are slaves to sin. Think about what a slave is, especially in the day of Jesus and even just a hundred years ago or so. A slave usually was bound in some fashion, wearing steel chains and cuffs around his ankles and wrists. Slaves were beaten to encourage work and to punish laziness. Underfed, unappreciated, mocked, ridiculed and threatened with their life, I can only imagine that the souls of these people were filled with hopelessness and even utter disdain for their own lives. In our country's history, when slavery was abolished, the chains and cuffs were unlocked and for the first time, people of a different race could see the light of freedom ahead. Many dark days still loomed for these people (please read The Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Taylor for insight), at least the chains that had once bound their physical bodies were gone.

God has been dealing with me about my own slavery. I was great at constructing it. Sin upon sin, lies upon lies, all as strong as iron weighing me down, wrapped around my limbs controlling my movements and how I felt and viewed the world. With one Name, those chains broke apart allowing me to walk in freedom. What a feeling!! A whole world to run and jump, but at the same time, a desire to please my Hero with my life. But, as I ran I noticed the world hadn't changed. Only me and others who had met my Hero and soon, whether it was to fit in or because it just felt comfortable, I put on those chains again. It was very hard to wear them now though, way harder than before. The locks were broken and when I walked, they would fall and hit uncalloused skin and make new wounds.

Lately, God has been asking me this: Why would you choose to wear chains when you are free? I can say without a doubt, that if I were to offer the heavy chains of an American slave to them to wear after they had been freed, they would laugh at me and run the other way. Why do I have a different response? When Jesus, my Hero spoke freedom in my life, he broke the chains of fear, condemnation, death, self-loathing, hate and sin. But, everyday, I pick them back up. Fear over flying....fear that another person I love will be taken from me....condemnation for my challenges and short comings.....death of dreams and of my purpose in Christ....self-loathing that turns into reverse pride where I am of no use in Christ's cause....hate of others that I don't know or aren't like me.....sin....over and over again...sin. The Bible says in John 8:36, "If the Son has set you free then you are free indeed". I'm going to post this verse all over my house to remind me that chains don't work when they've been broken and that although true freedom is out of style and chains are in, I bear a new mark of forgiveness and new life in Christ. I challenge you too, to examine this week what chains you have been freed from and ones you keep picking back up. If you've never met the Hero who can and will break your slave chains, send me a comment and I would be overjoyed to introduce you....

Photos as Promised

Our Forever Girl is FOUR!!!!

Today is a special day. Our little angel is FOUR today! I really can't believe it and am happy and sad at the same time. I am amazed at how she is maturing everyday and for the first time, I really see a glimpse of our future young adult with her own special personality. We are so blessed to have her as our own and to share in the joy of watching her grow! I love you my Forever Girl!

Ironically, the verse of the day on the right side of my blog today is Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do." What a verse for today to remind me of how God has predestined our little family and we are walking in His plan even today.

No time to post pictures right now, but I PROMISE to post later.

BTW, Happy Birthday to My cousin Emily as well!

Family of the Month

Hey all! We are so excited to announce that we have been chosen Our Great City's Keller Family of the Month for August. We had the fun experience of being interviewed and photographed and now featured on this community website. You can read all about our adventure here.

Movie Night with the Smiths

One of our favorite past times in our house is watching movies. We have recently become BIG fans of Family Video and we try to rent movies at least once a month. Jason and I have been doing this for many years and recently, I was asked by a friend who doesn't get the chance to watch movies a lot, how we fit all those movies in. Truth be told, for better or worse, movie night has become our date night in our house. Sure, we love to go out once in a while, but for many years, movie night at home was what we could afford. Jason makes the best microwave popcorn ever (!) and we curl up on the couch in the softest blanket in the world we call Guinevere. For that evening, we laugh, cry, disagree and share about the adventures we watch. These nights have become especially special to us since having Raylen. We don't often have a babysitter in the evenings to go out, but last night, my mom had asked Raylen to spend the night. We thought and thought about what to do and where to go....but after a very long and exhausting week, we came around to movie night again.

Jason brought home a few that we hadn't seen. One in particular was called Penelope. I had heard some buzz about this movie, but was a little unsure of what I would find with it because the story surrounds a young woman cursed with a pig nose. I know what you're thinking...silly and disturbing. It was quite the opposite. I LOVED it. I cannot wait for Raylen to be old enough to be interested in this type of movie. You will find that you can completely identify with Penelope and her pig nose and you will be encouraged by the time the credits roll.

While I'm talking movies, we watched Bella a few months ago. I HIGHLY recommend this movie. Run, don't walk to go get it. This movie changed my perception on life, affirmed many of my beliefs and brought our family closer together. You will not be sorry for watching.

A year....

Today marks the one year anniversary of Raylen's adoption. Last year at this time, we had already gone with our friends and family to see the judge and hear him proclaim that we were a true forever family. That day was magical to us and so emotional after the long journey of getting to that day. Since I didn't blog the, here are some photos of that day....what joy!!!!

Saturday Pottery

We are in Abilene this weekend visiting Jason's family who is celebrating Jason's cousin Crystal's wedding. Usually we spend Saturdays in Abilene hunting garage sales or frequenting local antique and thrift shops, but today, we found ourselves pressed for time and needing something to do. While Jason and his dad had their glasses fixed, Raylen, Jason's mom and I stumbled upon a paint your own pottery store. None of us have ever been to one of these stores, but quickly fell in love! For a flat rate you can pick out your own special piece, use all of the cool paints and tools and leave it for a week to have it fired. There was a special kid's play area with the coolest toys and they have drinks and snacks on hand too. The best part moms---THE PAINT WASHES OUT OF CLOTHING!!!! Yes, this is truly my new favorite place. I plan to visit the local store soon.

Independence

We had a big 4th of July. We started out at Cabela's where we met up with some of Jason's family for a quick hi and by before heading off to Raylen's Uncle Joey's for a brisket cookout. We spent the day there swimming and playing trivia and then headed off to watch fireworks and eat watermelon and homemade peach ice cream. Here are few highlights of the day....

Evie Kate Turns Three!

I'm a little behind in blogging, but last weekend was a big weekend for Raylen when she went to her friend Evie Kate's third birthday party. There were ponies, a petting zoo and a bounce house along with all the fun. When asked though, Raylen said her favorite part was touching the bait worms with Evie afterward. I guess it's true...the greatest things in life are free.

Picture of Joy

I have a friend with a great talent and I am very blessed to be on the receiving end of that talent. We spent the day together on Thursday when she took the most gorgeous pictures of my angel baby. There are a lot of beautiful pictures in the world, but when you can look at a photo and literally see the spirit of your daughter leaping off the paper, you know that you have a treasure. This is only one of many....

Please check out Terra's work at Terra Richards Photography to see more of her amazing talent.

Strawberry and other desires....

Last night, our little family was in our car headed home from church. Jason and I were drained. We are currently in a leadership catalyst class taught by our amazing pastor who teaches the equivalent to a masters theology class. It's wonderful, thrilling, motivational and daunting. Every week we leave amazed and drained....but we're growing.

So, feeling like this, we decided to stop at QT on the way home for a coke (not actual Coke because we live in Texas and coke means anything that isn't water) and a snack. Raylen was in the back seat and we hadn't planned on getting her anything. It was late and she had been given a snack at church so we just discussed what we would have. Jason got out of the car and left it running for us and as the store door was closing behind him, Raylen said "Strawberry for me Daddy." I asked her to repeat what she had just said and she said the same phrase again. I kind of laughed a little at her audacity thinking that she would get anything sweet at this late hour. She knows better and I wondered why she had thought of strawberry? If she ever gets any kind of drink other than water or milk, it is always Sprite and that's it. I dismissed it and told her that Daddy was just getting he and I something and that she didn't need sugar before going to bed. She said nothing and sat quietly until Jason returned. When he did come to my window to drop off the drinks, he was carrying to cokes and a bottle of strawberry milk! I couldn't even touch it! He was confused so I told him the story and asked if there was any possible way that he could have heard her or known that she had asked for that. He explained that he had gotten our two drinks and was walking to the counter not planning on getting her anything when he passed the milk case and it came to him to get her some strawberry milk as a treat. He hadn't heard her at all. We both sat in the car without moving for a minute, trying to make heads or tales of it. I guess if we were different people we would have drifted into thoughts that our daughter has some kind of psychic ability. She does not. If she did, she would know to clean her room before I punish her for not cleaning her room.

It was truly an amazing coincidence. It wasn't until later on after Raylen was in bed that I started thinking about it again and it spoke to me. So many times, I am like Raylen with God my father. I have desires and I will keep them from Him for a while thinking that it's a long shot that He will "show up" in that circumstance. Then, when I've held on for so long, I finally tell Him what's been on my heart and then beg a little hoping He hears exactly my request. What I realized last night is that God has my best interest at heart. I don't have to shout at Him hoping that He hears my request and I don't have to wait to tell Him, afraid it's too small or out of reach. It is His very nature to provide for and bless me with His goodness. Sometimes His goodness doesn't turn out to be strawberry milk, but other times it does! Either way, every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father and I can relax and enjoy all of His gifts because they are all good.

Dedication

On Father's Day, we were so excited to have the opportunity to have Raylen dedicated at our church. For those of you who don't know, dedication is not baptism or an act imparting salvation, but it is a time set apart to present our family to the Lord, ask His blessing and commit to raise our daughter to love and honor Christ. This day for us ranked as high as the day her adoption became final. We are keenly aware each day that even the small things we teach her shape her life for the future and to formally commit her and ourselves before God is a special and miraculous thing.

Speaking of miracles....in the pictures I hope you can make out that the word MIRACLES is on display. The word is there in reference to the current message series our Pastor is preaching. I loved seeing it there as a happy "accident" that reminded me of the miracle that God alone has done in placing Raylen in our family. Again, thank you to everyone who has prayed for us along the way and who continues to pray for additions to our home. We deal with fear, doubt and weak faith each day, but having been reminded of God's faithfulness before, I am convinced again that He will make a way again.

Family Fun Weekend

This weekend, Jason's sister Kayla and her husband and kids came in to visit. We went to Keller Fest on Friday night and to the Fort Worth Zoo on Saturday. Hot, but lots of fun. Enjoy the pictures!

Stories to Share

I blogged earlier about adoption and since then two things have happened today that I also wanted to share.

In the car today, we were listening to the Christian radio station and a man called in to request a song for two little girls having an end of the year swim party at their house. I thought that was sweet and it got me thinking about the responsibility of having a large group of children swimming on their own in a pool I owned. Scary. That thought led me to 1994 when I was 15 and a family in our church lost their 5 year old little boy when he drowned in a friend's pool. They weren't even swimming that day, but the little boy wandered away from the group and after being missing for only a few minutes, his teenage brother found him at the bottom of the pool. He actually lived for nearly a week on life support, but there was nothing they could do for him because they had also found an inoperable brain tumor that had been with him since conception. That was a horrific time in all of our lives watching that family grieve. Thinking about that made me think how thankful I am to Raylen by herself right now without other siblings until she matures. In my quiet moments, I long to add to our family, but with the very curious and energetic personality of our daughter, God knows exactly what He's doing. It takes all of my energy and attention to keep her from wandering off. Accidents will happen and having only one child does not prevent terrible things from occurring, but it gave me pause to be content and thankful in my current circumstance and not let my desires shadow God's provision in my life.

Secondly, this evening I am cleaning my house in preparation for my sister in law and her family to come and visit this weekend. I found myself bent over Raylen's bathtub scrubbing the ring of dirt that sticks after being washed from her active body. Raylen came to me, tapped me on the shoulder and told me "Mommy, God is telling me to give Him my heart." I think the scrub brush dropped out of my hand. "What did you say?" I asked her. "God wants me to give Him my heart, Mommy" a statement she made while gesturing toward Heaven. We entered into a conversation about how and why God loves us and what it means for us to trust Him and call Him Saviour. After we wrapped it up, I asked her if she wanted to tell Daddy and she went to him and repeated everything just as she told me. I can't tell you the thrill I have knowing that Raylen is hearing God and more importantly listening to Him! I have to give a shout out to our church and Pastor Cris and all the children's staff that are committed to teaching children, no matter what age the foundations of our faith. Above everything, we know that when we drop Raylen off at her class on Sundays, she is being taught Biblical truths that encourage her to follow Christ. We do our best as parents to teach her these things daily, but we know that we can't follow her in the world forever and so we rely on these teachers, her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, etc. to join us in shaping her faith. How exciting it is to watch her faith grow!

Raylen's Day Out

I have been extremely busy the last several weeks with a lot of projects. So, when my boss gave me today off to go along with the Memorial Day holiday, I decided to give Raylen the day. My decision was even more cemented after hearing about Maria Chapman, knowing that although I can't live in fear of what might be, I need to treasure each moment I have with Raylen and truly enjoy our time together. So, Raylen's Day became an official holiday in our house and we made the most of it.

We started out early and went to Log Cabin Village in Fort Worth. This was one of my favorite places as a child to go. If you've never been, it's a must see. For a minimal cost, you can experience several authentic log cabins and school house from the 1800's that are of local origination. One of the houses in particular, is set up as a "Hands On House" where the kids can actually play dress up, try out the feather bed, "cook" in the hearth, gather eggs from the "chickens" and pump water from a well. Raylen loved it and looked especially cute in my hand me down bonnet. The period people kept calling her Laura Ingalls.

After Log Cabin Village, we headed to Montgomery Street Antique Mall. We walked around for a while and Raylen did EXCELLANT at her first attempt to walk in a big store with breakables without being strapped in a stroller or buggy. I was especially excited that Raylen is learning to love old things, like I do (and her G-Da and Nawni do). We found some great bargains on the Value Tales Series of books that I read as a child and we are excited to start collecting now. After our shopping, we went to the store's Rose Garden Tea Room where we met up with G-Da (my mom) and had a delicious lunch. Raylen got a complement from another customer who admired how she behaved.

We made a brief stop at Dairy Queen for some yummy ice cream dessert. Dairy Queens are in short supply around here so it was fun to experience it again. As you can see, Raylen couldn't get enough.

Then, it was on to the Forest Park Train Ride. This train has been making trips around the Trinity River trails of Fort Worth for many, many years. My mom told me today that she remembers riding it as a child and I remember it fondly as well. Raylen loves train rides and we had a great and breezy time on this nostalgic train.

We were pretty pooped after the train ride, but we met up with Daddy and Uncle Joey at Joe's Crab Shack to eat some dinner. Raylen found energy somewher to play with her Uncle Joey and steal his Longhorn cap. By the way, Hook 'em Horns!

And after some unfortunate tears and cries of "I don't want to go home", we did indeed head home. The girl who said she wasn't sleepy is now, well, you tell me if she was sleepy or not.