It's All Relative

Recently, we got an insurance settlement that enabled us to replace the floors in 75% of our house that previously had old, damaged, pink tile.  I have never liked that tile.  Combine the age and the relentless West Texas dirt and wind, it was just hard to keep clean.  I would find myself complaining about it from time to time throughout the years and then almost immediately be reminded of the sweet ladies in Mexico who sweep their dirt floors in their one room houses each day.  My discomfort is only relative to my prosperity.

It happens in a lot of areas if we stop and think about it.  I like watching home buying television shows, but when the family says, "Oh, we couldn't possibly get by without three bathrooms...granite counter tops....a pool..." I think, really?  Millions of people all over the world get by with a lot less than an out house.  Relative.

I don't think that having nice things or desiring beautiful things is bad.  I just think that we tend to measure what "need" by what we think we should have, not really what we actually need or even deserve for that matter.

This struggle comes out in me in non-materialistic ways too.  I have really found myself judgmental and envious of anybody I see recently with a baby.  They don't know me at all or what we're dealing with right now and yet I am secretly angry at them inside because they don't have to worry about the possibility of losing their child.  I read a blog the other day about a young mother facing a big disappointment in her life and I thought, "Big deal.  No one is telling you they might take your babies from you."  Yucky thoughts from my true heart.  More proof that I desperately need more grace and gentle transformation from my merciful Savior. 

But, in true merciful style, He is gentle when reminding me about all the mothers in the world holding babies carrying cancer and other diseases or the poor, sweet mothers carrying children in their womb they know will pass away shortly after birth.  How do they look at me laughing and playing with my little lambs and reconcile their situation?  It's all relative.

I don't know how to change the way this happens in me or anyone else.  I look to Jesus, the most sincere, kind, loving, strong and giving person to walk this earth.  I have to believe that because He was all God and all man, He knew from the moment He started His ministry (maybe earlier?) that He was going to die.  And yet, He spent three years pouring into ungrateful, shaky-faithed men and loving everyone He met with wild abandon.  I want to be like Him.  If I was Him, I would have been running around yelling at everyone, "You're hungry?! I'm going to die for YOU!  What do you think of that?!?!" Wise choice, God, on not making me the Savior of the world. 

My desires, prayers, wants, needs, hopes and dreams are all relative to where I live, what I have and really, who I am.  May I live each day remembering that circumstances do not define me, there are always others who are hurting more than me, and loving and giving my life for others makes looking like Jesus a little more relative to me.

A Thankful Heart Is a Happy Heart

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and we do have a lot to be thankful for.  Confession: the stress of our current situation with M&M baby leaves me more anxious than thankful, I'm sad to say.  There are things I KNOW in my brain like, God is faithful.  He didn't bring us to this point to leave us here.  He loves M&M and us more than we can imagine and has good in His heart for us.  I can't add a single second to my life by worrying.  BUT, in the moments of my day, I find myself analyzing every word spoken by the powers that be in the case and angling each potential moves from each player like I'm in the chess match of my life.  It's exhausting.  So today, I just want to be thankful.  I just want to relish in the moments that God has given us NOW.  As I type, I have two beautiful girls entrusted to me.  One is on the verge of young womanhood with bright eyes each day learning more and more.  Another is literally finding her feet...and her tongue...and her voice and discovering all that she has in this exciting world.  Both have the biggest smiles that melt mine and their daddy's heart.  I am thankful for a husband who works hard for his family, who fights for them fearlessly, who stands up in the face of anything or anyone that would oppose them and who admits when he's wrong and seeks to do better next time.  I am thankful for the opportunity to be thankful and to be in circumstances that draw me to trust more and more in my Savior.

Below is one of my favorite songs.  Yes, it's a Veggie Tale song. But, around our house, we try to sing it often to remind us that we have all we need today to be thankful.  Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!

Taken For Granted

Have you ever thought about the things you take for granted in your life? I thought about some of those things today. I live my life everyday doing much the same things each one of those days and most of the time I barely give a nod to the bigger-than-me miracles that are the wallpaper of my life.

For instance, since today is voting day, I realized how often I forget what a privilege it is to be free. It's not really a right. Someone set me free, both in nationality and spiritually. But I go in and out of my world, demanding my way in parking lots and customer service calls and the like ignoring the fact that I can speak out loud at all.

Then, I realized how much I take for granted that my daughter is mine-no one is going to take her away from me or lay claim to her. Only five years out from the best day of my life when a judge declared her ours, I barely remember the the time when I held my breath round the clock day in and out praying with all I was to have her be mine forever.

And finally, I realized today how much I take the tangible presence of Holy Spirit for granted. Sitting in a court room today, overcome with anxiety that I thought would swallow me, I called out to Him pleading to feel Him there with me, to know that I wasn't alone. At that moment I looked up at the American and Texas flags that flanked the judge's bench. On the top perched two golden eagles. I was immediately reminded about the eagle's story my dear friend Mindy had shared with me many times. Eagles, Mindy says, aren't like any other creature in nature. When a storm comes, instead of turning for shelter away from it, the eagle will go toward the storm, pressing through the storm clouds until the winds lift their wings high above the clouds where they can soar.  They use the storm to their benefit to get to the high place and then watch it from above, relaxing in their natural flight.  Those golden eagles on the flag poles were Holy Spirit's sign He was with me, giving me strength to press above the storm and soar in His peace.  How do I ever take such a gift for granted?

I don't want to take the power of prayer for granted either.  Prayer changes things, this I believe with my whole heart.  Over and over in the Word, God instructs us to pray and petition Him for the things on our heart.  He is not a Father who doesn't hear or care and just like the "petition" of my children, wanting something, we are to plead with Him, bringing our requests to Him regularly.  If you would join us in these petitions, here are the things we are pleading before the Lord right now:

• The He would permanently establish our M&M baby in this family.
• That He would give us His peace and sustain us through this roller coaster of emotions we face each day.
• That He would use this time to grow us in His likeness, teaching us how to give Him glory and praise in all things.
• That He would work miraculously in the hearts and minds of birth families, judges, attorneys and case workers that are involved in this case to do His will for the glory of His name.
• That our M&M baby would be consecrated to Him all the days of her life, no matter which home she grows in and that she would love Him and live her life for His glory.
• That our precious Raylen would be guarded and protected from the emotional ups and downs as we navigate this road.

Thank you for partnering with us.  We are grateful for you and don't take for granted the support and friendship that we are covered in during this time.