Vulnerable

Webster's dictionary defines the word vulnerable in two ways: 1. capable of being physically or emotionally wounded and 2. open to attack or damage.

Yesterday, I understood more about those definitions than I wanted to. Raylen and I went to my grandmother's house like we normally do once a week to visit and run errands with her. Memaw and I were particularly preoccupied yesterday with a Christmas project we are trying to get done. Raylen was not feeling well and I decided to lay her down on Memaw's bed. A few minutes into her "laying down", I heard her playing with Memaw's jewelry on her dresser. "That's okay", I thought. Harmless enough. A few minutes later, Raylen came to me and said, "That gum is shooey", meaning she didn't like some sort of gum. I hadn't given her gum and didn't know what she was talking about, so I asked her where the gum was and she led me to a little bottle that had been tucked in with Memaw's watch on her dresser. The bottle held Nitrogliceren pills that we all knew was for Memaw's heart during an attack or emergency. I panicked. I don't know why, but I called my mom first. She said go to the ER NOW! I scooped Raylen up and tossed her in her seat. We sped (yes sped) to the closest hospital, all the way telling her to try to spit up whatever she had in her tummy.

When we got to the hospital, I told the orderly checking in what happened. A nurse overheard me and took us right in as she talked to someone on her radio about Raylen. Again, I was panicked. In an instant, Raylen was in a gown, hooked up to all sorts of moniters and I was in tears. As we waited, the Holy Spirit spoke very clear to me.

Looking at Raylen, so vulnerable in that bed, me so incapable of stepping in to save her, I began to understand something about God that I never realized before. He had made a choice to make Himself vulnerable for us. As I write that now, I realize that I had heard that before the Holy Spirit spoke to me yesterday, but maybe I never really got it before. Maybe it was more of a catch phrase of sorts. What I mean is this: Each day, we live in a fallen world. We are keenly aware that this is NOT paradise. We go ahead and have children, knowing in the back of our minds that things can happen to them that won't be pleasant. We haven't experienced a life without anxiety, pressure or trial and so we trudge on. God, on the otherhand, has lived for eternity in a level of peace my mind cannot imagine. He is not someone created, but rather He the creator. He is on the throne of all of time and yet, He chose vulnerablity. As a mother, I can see that God made Himself truly vulnerable by allowing His own son to be vulnerable as a baby and man in this world. He not only knew the joys that a child's life would hold, but He knew the days that Jesus would be sick, that He would have His feelings hurt by another child and of course, God knew the day that Jesus would know the ultimate shame and pain of taking on our sin and dying on the cross for us. Wow. John 1:14 says, "The Word (Jesus)became flesh and dwelt among us..." It could have easily have read The word became vulnerable and dwelt among us. He chose that for us. Chose. We do in spite of, but God chose. Would you choose to let your child go through any pain even for the good of another? I don't think I would. And the whole picture is this: God's choice to send Jesus as our Saviour wasn't an afterthought after we had messed everything up in the Garden of Eden. Jesus wasn't plan B. In contrast, Jesus has always been plan A because God knew the outcome of our days before He set the world in motion. And so again, God chose to be vulnerable when He could have thrown the whole plan out before it began. Amazing.

This season and the little manger scenes in our house becomes tangible when I understand the heart and intentions of the God that loved me enough to become vulnerable so I can experience a peace in Him this world cannot offer. Be blessed to know that the same is true for you.

By the way, Raylen is great. The doctor doesn't think she got any real amount in her. We are very thankful....