Daddy's Girl

I'm a daddy's girl.  And not in the way that I wasn't a mama's girl too.  I just really love my daddy in a world where girls crave the attention of their dads and then push them away in spite of themselves.  I'm such a daddy's girl that while I have a lot of friends who comfortably refer to God as "Daddy" or "Papa", I have struggled with this for myself.  I love God with all my heart, but I treasure the man who is my daddy.  It's this kind of devotion that is the basis for my heartache the last eleven years since my daddy passed away.

I think about him and his loss a lot.  I don't audibly talk about it that much, but I think about it at least daily.  This morning has been no different.  I found myself thinking about the growth that I've had spiritually and as a person since he left.  Some of that growth, I fear, came directly because of his loss in my life.  That stirs even more sadness in my heart. 

And so I said to God,

I wish I had been more together, more mature.  That I didn't need to learn so many lessons that have come from his passing.  Maybe if I had already gotten all of that, You wouldn't have had to take him when you did. 

Holy Spirit immediately responded, "I am the designer of all things.  I work everything out for good.  There is nothing that you could've or should've done." 

Still, I pressed Him, I wish that I was the apple of Your eye. 

"You are.  I've told you that a million times."

No, I mean, I wish I was the star pupil at the front of the class.  Having it all together, knowing all the answers.  I'm the one with wrinkled paper in the back looking for my dropped pencil.

"I don't have a class of students, Sweetie.  I have children, whom I love and adore.  You can't perform well enough to have anything all together.  I've got it together for you.  You can't know anything already because I reveal myself to you as you press into Me."

It's here that I sink into the love that He's poured over me many times before and also here where I realize that the daddy that I love so dearly, learned all his good daddy-ing ways from the real and true Daddy. 

I'm extremely blessed to be in the legacy of both.