Lessons Learned

I'm not a great mother. Most days I'm short tempered and preoccupied. Too many nights in the last three years I've gone to sleep thinking about the ways that day that I missed the mark, let her down. Yet, every morning, I'm greeted by the same sweet smiling face. Truly the image of an angel with sleep in her eyes and the imprint of bed sheets on her face. She says "Good Morning, Mommy" with a sheepish tone, not sure she's ready to be awake. In that moment, I promise anew to be gentle, patient, focused and FUN and pray in my heart for God to make it so.

Being a homeschool mommy gives me every opportunity to test that promise. We are only in day two of school for this year and yet, I have closed my eyes about five times today to silently pray for the strength to be patient and gentle when everything in me wants to scream and yell. My dearest little one has had three total meltdowns today over Kindergarten work. You would think that learning her ABC's and coloring the pictures that have the short "i" sound would be less traumatic, but you are wrong. For my lovely, who is at heart very particular and hard on herself, if she doesn't get it right, she doesn't want to do it at all. I think she gets this from me although I don't know how. Meltdown number one came when I listed off names of her friends and asked after each one if she heard the short "i" sound in that name. After the third wrong answer, she stomped her foot and put out her pouty lip and said that learning was not fun. Great. Meltdown numero dos came when I asked her to color the picture of the turtle and duck on the pond in the appropriate colors while I put in a load of laundry. When I returned to find the whole picture covered in silver crayon, she threw her hands in the air and said she had no idea what color a turtle is. Right. Meltdown trois came during math. This one was a doozy. I asked her to count how many times I clapped my hands. Each time, one..two...three claps, yet she kept counting to four. What? She knows better. After the third try, the water works showed up. "I'm just not smart!" I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, but instead I closed my eyes (again) and prayed and started again. After about the tenth time, she got it and we celebrated by dancing around the room.

I post all of this for two reasons: One, my wise and wonderful friend Janna motivated me when she wrote a great post about being transparent on her blog here. She is so right. We can only grow when we allow ourselves to truly be real with someone else. Too many times, I want everything to "look" right so that I in some way seem to be a success. If you're looking for a "picture" of success though, you won't find it on this blog. I have purposed to be open and real here...the good the bad and the ugly.

Second, in dealing with the, umm, DRAMA my precious put out today, I recognized someone in her...me. So many times I am being instructed about something from a wise leader, my husband or the Lord. I don't get it right the first, second or even third time, so I stomp a bit and quit. Sometimes, I go the exact opposite direction of the instruction I've received and do my own thing. And other times, I cry and whine letting my insecurities show and give up because I know I'm just not good enough. This all rushed into my mind when Sweet Holy Spirit put in my mind a verse to tell my girl amongst her tears. 2 Peter 1:3 says "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." In my own words I shared with her that God has already given her everything she needs to learn and do well. Her eyes lit up and she was ready to try again. Our pastor just preached a two week series on this great verse and I admit it did the same for me; I lit up again and was ready to try again.

We're learning alot, my girl and me. May you be blessed and encouraged to know you're not the only one!

Praises While Packing Up

Packing Day One went well. I had the dining room on the agenda first since it is the least used of our things...you know fine china and all that. I cleared out that room and will use it as the box storing area as it will be quite easy to get the movers in and out of there. This is our third move in 1 1/2 years and I have gotten pretty good about organzing it although it is not a fun task no matter how many times you do it. My solice is knowing that this move will be permanent unless God calls us elsewhere.

Jason had his final interview yesterday. It went really well and the hiring manager called him yesterday afternoon and formally offered him the job. He gave him $1 an hour over what he currently makes which is about double what we were told he could expect in Abilene. Praise the Lord. He is to report in Abilene by September 28th.

In thinking about this move and how it has come about I keep thinking about Psalm 118:23 "This is the Lord's doing and it is marvelous to see!" Jason and I are amazed. This is truly the Lord's doing over and over and it is marvelous and amazing to witness.

Now, in that spirit, where is the tape gun?

The Next Adventure

Jason and I announced on Facebook last night that we are moving to Abilene October 1st. We are so excited about how God has shown us that we're to move and about starting our new adventure there. Of course that excitement doesn't come without its sadness about leaving our precious family and dear friends. This coming month will be one of many highs and lows as we ride the emotional roller coaster of relocating. But, one thing I know and hold strong to is that my Redeemer is faithful and true. He is Emmanuel...God with us. He goes before us and prepares the way. Only good comes from Him!

As we get ready to do the big move, look for pictures and updates from our adventure!

After a long hiatus...

It has been a long, long time blogger world! After the new year, we were very busy at our house with moving and there wasn't much to blog about. Then in April, our overused laptop crashed and we have been without a computer since then. Thankfully, we got a new laptop last week and things are looking up. I'm so happy to be connected to cyber space again!

Twas the night before Christmas....

Raylen woke up on Christmas morning at 4:30am. She came to our door and began beating on it calling for me to wake up. As an official Santa's Elf, I had only gone to bed 3 1/2 hours earlier so it was a bit hard for me to drag myself out of the warm bed to answer her calls. When I got to the door, my little blonde girl, dressed in her red plaid Christmas nightgown and still rubbing her eyes, told me that she had just seen Santa. She put her hand over her mouth as she always does when she has just told or heard something so amazing she can't even believe it. Still groggy I asked her to repeat it and she told me the same thing. "Honey, I think you were dreaming", I said. "No. I saw him, Mommy" she replied. Raylen then told me a whole story about how she had been dreaming and something woke her up. She said she saw Santa at her window tapping on it and waving. Then, she said he got in his sleigh and flew away with the reindeer after he wished her Merry Christmas. I shook my head with a grin on my face and hugged her and told her that was a fantastic story. She hadn't even seen what was under the tree yet, so I directed her to look while I tried to wake up and reflect on what she'd just told me.

Now, I have to admit that throughout the morning I kept thinking about the story. Raylen had told me the story in such vivid detail that it seemed magical and convincing-I really wanted to believe it too! This thought puzzled me. I am a grown woman who has been VERY well aware of the details of Christmas wonderment for some time. I KNOW in my mind that there is no way in the world that Raylen saw Santa Claus at her window. Yet my heart, soft, whimsical and always looking for a fairytale, somehow wanted to believe that the joke had been on me all along and that truly, for me and Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Later that day, still thinking about the story as I recalled it for other family members, the Lord spoke to me about my belief in other things...namely Him. I was reminded about how easily it is to be swayed by others thoughts and beliefs and of course by the media and our culture. I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is God and Jesus is His son, all God and all man, died on the cross after leading a sinless life and rose from the grave three days later and that by faith in Him I will live in Eternity with Him and others who trust in Him. These things are non negotiables and I KNOW them to be true like I KNOW that I am breathing right now. But, somedays, when I've watched way too much television or I've read too much garbage, I think, what if they're right? What if I'm wrong? When I question those things I know are truths, I go back to point A and I am reminded of what and who Truth is.

The Lord used my daughter's fanciful dramatization of Santa to remind me of the importance to guard my heart and mind from lies and thoughts that are only half truths. The Bible says, "Above all, guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23. I'm going to do a better job of that in 2009...this I resolve.

Extreme Fun!

If you haven't heard already, Extreme Home Makeover has come to town....well not exactly the town that my zip code corresponds to, but around here, towns overlap so easily that it feels like it's our town! The house is located only about 3 miles from our house and the family receiving the gift is someone we used to go to church with and the photographer that did our precious 5 year anniversary photos. The whole town has been buzzing this week and it's been an exciting time to watch the community join together to help this family.

So....of course I wanted to be apart of that too! I didn't get the opportunity to go hang out at the the house until Saturday night. My friend Rachel and I left our hubbies home with the kiddos and ventured out to the site around 9pm. The workers literally work throughout the night and a spectator area is set up for gawkers to watch the work as it happens. We spent a little while watching and taking pictures and then realized that we had to get a free tshirt that they were handing out to volunteers. We petitioned to be a volunteer at the volunteer tent, but they said that the slots were all full and there was an eight page waiting list! We saw our friends Vanessa and Janna go to work their shift and we decided to stay for a bit longer to watch them work. By 11:15, we were ready to give up, but a security guard suggested we go to the volunteer tent one last time to see if anyone had not shown up. We were ecstatic to find that they needed more people and we were quickly given shirts and hard hats and escorted to the concession tent to serve. We were taken aback though when we heard that the shift was until 6am! We just couldn't do that long with our Sunday family duties coming soon, but we assured the foreman we could stay for a couple of hours anyway. We were a little giggly and delirious while serving and stocking the tables with cokes, snacks, cookies and pizza as far as the eye could see. We were able to load up trays of goodies and walked around serving those working in and out of the house. The house is beautiful, but we weren't permitted to take interior photos. We left shortly after 2:30, just after eating a Texas favorite Al's Hamburger which had been delivered for the 2am meal. We were so happy to have helped out even a little and can't wait to see the show in February or March. For more info and phots on the house visit http://www.extreme.wall.com/default.html


Extreme Reality! Woo Hoo!

My official tshirt after a long night of work!

Me on trash duty

Food as far as the eye can see!

Vanessa and Janna while we were still on the outside looking in.

Rachel and I are bonded for life after this experience!

Looking at the house from the spectator area.

Hard workers....

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