Adoption Journey Journal X!

Hello everybody,

I wanted to update you with the outcome of the homestudies. Both went
extremely well. Last Monday was the first which was with the social worker
assigned to interview Jason and I and see Raylen in her environment. We
were really relieved to see her when she came because she was a very sweet
and loving grandmother type that made herself at home and put us at ease.
She talked with just Jason and I for a while and then toured our home and
visited with us informally while Raylen played with us. She was verygracious about us as a family and she said she didn't see any reason to not
recommend us as parents for Raylen. We were very relieved. And last night
was the second home study. It went very well as well. A little shorter
and different than the last, but we actually got more information from the
lady that came because she is actually an attorney for Raylen. She said
that after reviewing the entire case, she doesn't see anything as a problem
for this to go through and she confirmed to us that we have the best
attorney in the state. She said actually that our attorney is one of the
top 5 adoption attorneys in the country. That's amazing to me.

While we visited with her last night, we told her most of our story from
the time we heard about Raylen. Each time we tell it, it becomes more and
more amazing to me. One thing in particular that I said last night rang in
my ears as though I didn't say it, but needed to hear it instead. The
words were "We have not had to manipulate a thing to make this happen.
Every door has opened and encouraged us to keep moving forward." I have
thought about that all last night and this morning. Those words are exactly
true. I can think of times in my life where I wanted something to happen
or wanted something and I will play tricks with myself trying to make
things seem like the right thing or rearrange things so that something
would work out. Nothing ever turns out the way that I really wanted it to
and I miss the joy and peace of knowing that I didn't make it happen. For
several years through our journey, one thing became evident to us. We
wanted to know and it be clearly evident to all when we finally had a
family that it was all God's doing. We turned away from so many options
because it gave us too much control in the situation. We wanted God to do
this and Him only. And so He has. Very clearly for all to see. Not Jenn
working her "magic" to make things fall in line. Not us having to be
someone other than who we are. All of it in His timing and certainly not
ours. Every last detail His design. The most amazing part of all? God
does this all while we still struggle with all of the human shortcomings we
always have. Emotions, struggles, sin. Chains we attempt to lay down time
and again keep picking them back up along the way. God didn't wait for us
to be rid of all of those things to bless us. He has done it right now in
the midst of those issues and once again shown His great love to us. It
reminds me of Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrated His own love for us in that
while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Wow. While we were
still sinning, He laid everything on the line for us. That's so humbling
for me.

You know, while I am on this particular journey and sharing it with you, I
feel so compelled to share all of me and the thoughts and emotions I am
having. I am not sure why other than maybe in some small way now or in the
future it might serve to encourage you. I am not perfect in any way. My
immediate family will testify to that as well as my extended family. I
struggle SO much with fear, doubt and sin I would be way too embarrassed to
mention today. Lately, in the midst of all of my blessings, it's been easy
to take what God has given me for granted. In a way I can't explain, I
have been revisiting things I believe or don't believe in and trying them
against the Bible to see if they match up. It isn't always easy to obey.
I saw an example of this just last night. Raylen was playing with her
kitchen set and she suddenly dumped all of the play food out of the basket
it belongs in onto the floor. She left it there and moved on to play with
her stroller. Dinner was about ready so I asked her to pick up the food
and put it back in the basket. She went over and put a few things in and
returned to the stroller. Once again, and many times after, I continued to
ask her to put the food away. Each time the same thing happened. Finally,
I went to her, got on her level and told her to put the food away. She
knew by my tone that I meant business so she went to put up the food. She
sat on that floor for twenty minutes trying to put all the food away. She
wasn't sitting there because she didn't understand the task. She was not
sitting there because she couldn't do what she was asked. She sat there so
long because she just didn't want to submit to do it. She would stop and
pitch a fit and cry and have to be reminded to return to the task. She
would get mad and throw some of the food and would have to be reprimanded
for her angry actions. Finally at the end, Raylen put in the last plastic
French fry and looked up at me and said "I did it Mommy!". It isn't always
easy to obey. Not for Raylen and not for me. We both fail at it most of
the time. But the love that God shows me while I am disobeying calls me
back time and again and makes me want to try harder.

This Thursday, I am scheduled to be in court all day to see if the birth
mother shows for a summons and try to get her to sign the paper work. It
is unlikely that she will show, but we are praying that she doesn't anyway.
If she does show, please pray that I will have the words in my mouth to say
to her so that she will sign the paperwork. We don't feel nervous, but
rather anticipation. These are exciting times for us and we so appreciate
you holding us up during it.

Adoption Journey Journal X

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to keep you up to date on what's going on with the adoption.

We have several dates coming up shortly so please keep us in your prayers.
The first is 10/23 when we will have our first home study with the social
worker. Thankfully when I spoke to her I was calmed because she sounds
very sweet and we bonded as much as you can over the phone. She sent us a
packet full of DETAILED questions about ourselves that we have to answer.
It's pretty invasive. The second meeting is on 10/30 and is also a home
study with the ad lidem for Raylen that is a must for the adoption. The
third is a court date on 11/02. I have to attend a hearing that is between
Ronalda (Raylen's aunt) and Mary (Raylen's birth mom). The hearing is
regarding child support that Ronalda filed for when she had Raylen to show
the court that Mary was not financially supporting Raylen. The hearing was
set by the court for 11/02 and our attorney wants me to attend to see if
Mary shows up to get her to sign the papers. We don't think that she will
show up, but if she does, I will have the relinquishment on hand for her to
sign if she will. You can obviously see what are prayer requests would be
for this.

Things are "heating up" and we are prayerful that we will have a "Christmas
baby" this year. All our own and with our name. We are dealing with
things pretty good and trying to stay positive throughout everything. It
is difficult falling in love with a little girl that in the back of your
mind you have the possibility that she could be taken away from you. But
at the same time, we can't help but fall in love with her. She is the
biggest blessing we have ever received and we can't imagine life without
her.

I will continue to let you know how things are going. Thank you for all
your continued prayers.

Adoption Journey Journal IX

I spoke with the lawyer last night and she was able to talk to the judge
yesterday. Although our attorney found a former case like ours showing
favor on our side, the judge is still uncomfortable with us going forward
without at least serving the birth mom with papers. With that said, the
attorney advised me that no matter what happens, Raylen will need an
attorney of her own to represent her best interests. She advised that we
go ahead and hire an attorney that she knows and is very comfortable with.
This attorney will send paperwork to the birth mom's last known address
(likely a shelter) and wait for about a week. If no response, we can move
forward and the judge will be comfortable terminating her rights. Our
attorney will be out the rest of this week and doesn't want to start this
process until she returns so we look for the other attorney to send her
paperwork to the birth mom by Monday.

In addition to this, I talked to Raylen's aunt last night and she has
spoken with some old friends of the birth dad recently. She heard from
them that the birth mother is smoking crack pretty heavily and riding
around in the back of a truck day and night. I am conflicted by this. On
one hand, her continued lack of responsibility and disregard for her life
and sanity is "good" for us and Raylen. It proves that she is in no
position to mother Raylen. But, on the other hand, as Raylen's biological
mother and as a human being, I feel sorrow for her. I hate to see that she
is abusing life in that way and that she can't get out of it. As much as
we want smooth sailing with our adoption, we pray in time that she will be
delivered of this lifestyle.

I will continue to keep you posted as we hear updates. Thank you again for
all of your prayers!

Adoption Journey Journal VIII

Hi All,

Just a quick to ask for your specific prayers in the next couple of days.
I spoke with our attorney on Friday and since we have not heard back from
the birth mother, the attorney is going to go ahead and meet with the judge
either today or tomorrow to discuss our options. Our attorney feels good
about the judge granting us our request based on the mom signing her rights
over previously to the other couple. The attorney feels though that if the
judge does grant it now that if the birth mom ever tries to overturn it in
the court of appeals then she would win. We have thought and prayed and we
don't think that will happen because it will cost her a great deal of money
to do that. Please pray that the judge will grant our request so that the
adoption can be final soon. And please pray for Jason and I as we trudge
through this. The stress is enormous and we are struggling to maintain our
focus and not let the little things tear at us. We are ready for our
family to be settled! : )

Thank you for joining us with this. Your support is treasured more than
you know.

Adoption Journey Journal VII

Hello everyone!

I know it's been a while since I have written....things have been so busy
now that are lives are dictated by a two year old! Things have been
wonderful though and I want to update you on some exciting things!

Since I wrote last, Raylen celebrated her second birthday! We had a party
at home with family, but it also included a jump house provided by a
cousin. She had a blast! We had to keep prying her away from the jump
house because she was getting too red. She didn't like that. I think she
was a little overwhelmed by all of the presents and people. She got tired
of opening presents about half way through, but we convinced her to keep
opening. She was a doll and almost instantly she grew up from that
baby-like 24 month old to a 2 year old big girl! We've noticed that she is
getting taller and talking a lot more. She even graduated from her crib
this week to sleeping in her big girl bed! I have to say that it was a
very surreal thing to look down at this precious angel snuggled in the same
bed that I myself used to snuggle in as a child. I think you can call that
the circle of life. : ) We are still working on the potty experience.
She loves to sit on her training potty, but just thinks it's a chair to sit
on while I fill up the bath tub. And speaking of the bath tub, that girl
loves the water! She has some Elmo and Dora dolls that she plays with in
the tub and loves to get on her back and "swim" with Elmo and Dora. The
other thing that we have noticed is what a music lover she is. When we are
driving or watching TV, it is not unusual to hear her sing in a sweet
angelic voice her "La La's" trying to imitate what she just heard. She
also loves to dance!!! While I was loading the groceries in the car the
other day, Raylen was still in the cart and an Expedition pulled up with a
loud bass dance song playing. The driver had his window down as he sat
there waiting for a car up ahead of us to pull out. Raylen looked at him
for a minute and then let loose dancing up a storm! The man laughed so
hard he was crying by the time he got to move again. It was hilarious!

The weekend after Raylen's birthday, several friends threw us a celebration
shower at North Fort Worth. I had been excited for weeks about the shower,
but didn't know how overwhelmed I would be by this display of love until I
got there! It was amazing! The ladies hosting did an amazing job making
the party "Raylen friendly" and fun for all. We were so blessed by all of
the people who came and we are now well stocked with adorable clothes and
toddler essentials we desperately needed! I hope to have pictures soon of
the shower and birthday to send to you.

And two days ago, another amazing thing happened. The attorney called and
said that she had received the signed paperwork from the birth father! We
are thrilled! We were expecting them from him, but nothing is for sure
until you receive them. Additionally, I got a message from the birth mom
on Thursday asking to talk with me about Raylen, but although I have left a
couple of messages for her, I have not heard back from her. Our attorney
confirmed our thoughts that she probably wants to talk about signing her
rights to us as well because we have heard through the grapevine that she
talked to her own lawyer and the lawyer told her she didn't have much
choice in the matter. We are a beneficial option to her because if she
signs her rights to us, we will allow her to receive updates from us and
pictures of Raylen. We will see if she calls back though. With or without
her signature, we are in a very good place. We are not sure what the next
step will be, but everything should go quickly according to the lawyer. We
are amazed!

You know, it's funny to us how everything is turning out. For instance, we
got married and were ready for a family. It didn't work. Then I didn't
work full time for so long because we didn't want to get comfortable on two
incomes incase a baby came, then I had to go to work in 2004 (ironically
one month to the date after Raylen was born.) Then, at a time when thingsare seemingly the worst for us in a lot of areas, God is opening door after
door for us to be the parents of this little girl...and we know it's His
will! Last night as I was driving home from an appointment, I was asking
God for a miracle in our lives in some other areas. Asking is kind of a
gentle word. I was really begging Him. He reminded me that He had already
worked out all of the details of this adoption and given us Raylen on the
day we decided to start "trying" for a family. I didn't know then all of
the struggles and things we would go through, but God did. So, He said to
me last night, that He already has everything else worked out as well. Why
am I worrying? I responded that I am human...it's my nature. He said "But
I'm not human." What could I say to that? Of course He's got this!!! I
got a forward email from someone the other day talking about how our life
is but a blink compared to the Eternity that we will spend in Heaven. The
email talked of how this life is a dress rehearsal for Heaven. I know in
Heaven we won't have mortgages to worry about and lawyers and taxes and
bank accounts, but I know that the character I develop here while dealing
with those things affects my character for eternity. God is teaching us to
trust Him. In fact, He's been teaching us to trust Him all along. So, a
few minutes later when I got pulled over for speeding, I said silently, "OK
Lord. I will slow down and just trust You." : )

Thank you for praying for our family. Thank you for continuing to bless us
as you are! You are apart of our miracle and we are so grateful!

Adoption Journal Journey VI

Hello there,

My note is a little later than usual this week due to our baby girl being
sick on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing major, but that nasty cough worried
Jason and I so I took her to the doctor on Tuesday and she is doing better
with some medicine. It was so nice to be home with her those two days.
It's amazing what a difference there is in her temperament when we are
together all day instead of at day-care some of the day. I am praying for
God to make a way for me to stay home with her but until then, we are
thankful for our time together when we have it.

My last note told you about some funds that were needed for our adoption
now that the dad has agreed to sign the papers. I must tell you that there
were several days that we were very nervous about how that money was going
to come. Then Friday night of last week came and Jason said that we should
go and see how much he could get for his truck. Now pause for a second. A
little history about this truck is that Jason had been wishing for a truck
all last year and we spent many late nights with our friends running all
over car lots after hours looking in the windows of his dream trucks. In
November we were blessed with a little extra money that made for a great
down payment on a used truck...even though the truck that he chose looked
hardly used. It was such a fun time! He adored that truck and took great
care of it and even sulked for three days once when he spilled hot sauce on
the carpet in the front seat! So, fast forward. Why would he even suggest
that we see what we could get for it? Well, we spent a late night at the
dealership on Friday and found that we could get 3/4 of the amount of money
that we needed for the adoption paperwork by selling the truck. We didn't
make a decision that night because we wanted to think hard about what we
were doing. That night I told Jason that although we share everything, I
knew that this was his truck and it should be his decision about what to
do. I would be happy with whatever he chose. Secretly though, I was
almost hoping he didn't choose to sell it because I thought for sure that
he would mope around for weeks about losing the truck. Before the night
was over, Jason had made a call to our friend asking for a ride home from
the dealership the next morning. He had made a tough decision, but as he
told me, Raylen is worth more than the truck could ever be worth. The next
morning, we all went to the dealership and Jason kept hugging Ray Ray, I
think to remind him of what this was all for. He was a trooper and the
most attractive he has ever been to me during that morning. I saw him in a
new light, not because he was bringing the money in, but because he had
shown true leadership and inspiration to our family. Before they took the
truck, I took a picture of Jason and Raylen in front of it and plan to put
it in her baby book. I know from experience that there will be a day in her
teenage life where she will want to be "grown up" and want to rebel from
all that Jason and I teach her. She might even wonder if we really even
love her because teenage minds are often distorted with such things. But
on those days, I want that picture to remind her that her daddy loved her
more than himself and would give up that truck and more to see her smile
everyday. I wish I could tell you that I treat Jason with the respect and
love that he deserves everyday for doing such a thing and being the great
husband and father that he is, but I don't. I do know it in my heart
though and he has made a sacrifice that will forever shape our family. By
the way, I was wrong. He hasn't sulked once.

I receive a Bible verse emailed to me daily and this morning's read this:


Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one
receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And
everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now
they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable
crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not
as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into
subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should
become disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27

When I read that verse it reminded me of our current "race". I know
that Paul is talking about our race in life...obtaining the prize of
eternal life, but it hits closer to home today for me. For those of
you who have been through this process you know that it is hard. In
fact many have referred to this time as my labor as in pregnancy.
But, we are not going through this for nothing. The verse above
indicates that we are running this race for a prize! We know what
that is and she is certainly a prize! Her life can't be measured in
perishable things like trucks and money, but by eternity and love.
So as it says above, we can run with certainty knowing that we aren't
fighting for nothing, but every challenge becoming a discipline; the
discipline of trusting God; the discipline of speaking faith and
leaning on each other; the discipline of brokenness so that God can
be glorified through our lives. The last sentence really punches me
in the gut though...these disciplines are needed to keep us from
becoming disqualified! What do I think would disqualify me? Luke
warm faith. Doubt. Dishonesty. Dissension. All of these things
will keep me from the real prize...not Raylen perhaps, but the true
Joy and Blessing of discovering the generous heart of God through
this. The thing is, I want it all! I want all that God has to
offer! Babies, joy and knowing Him deeper! So, Jason and I run
on...and we know you are running with us.

We still have not heard from the birth mother yet and I am praying
about when is the right time to call her again. Right now we are
just enjoying our baby girl. She is the light of our life. She
learned to say Wow the other day and goes through stores saying it
over and over pointing at everything. I just crack up! I have to
share the cutest story though. My mom, (her Granna) taught her to
say I Love You in sign language. After only one time of doing it
with my mom, several days later I asked Raylen if she wanted to talk
to Granna on the phone. When I put the phone up to her ear and Mom
started talking to her, I could tell what Mom was saying because
Raylen put her hand close to the phone and made the I love you sign
with her hands. She won't do that to even us when we say I love you.
She is so smart. I couldn't have dreamed her any more precious than
she is.

Adoption Journey Journal V

This is probably my most joyous of emails yet...and one I know most of you
have been waiting desperately for.

Yes, I did get to meet with the birth mother on Saturday and it went great!
I met her at noon at a local McDonald's and when she walked in I knew
instantly that it was her. We greeted, both with big smiles and sat down
to talk. She told me that her friend was coming in that drove her so I
waited a minute before jumping in because I wanted to make sure of what I
was dealing with the friend. The mom immediately dove in telling me about
all she was trying to do to get her life back on track and how she had
wanted to see her daughter but she wasn't allowed to. (This I know is
untrue, but I just let her talk) At first I felt defeated because she
sounded like she wanted the baby back, but then I literally felt a kick in
the lower portion of my back which caused my mouth to open and then words
just came pouring out.

I told her all about ourselves and how we wanted a family and what we would
like to give "her" daughter. I talked about our faith and hopes for
college for her and about wanting to live in the country and traveling the
country for vacations. She teared up many times at the thought of these
things and said that this was what she wanted for her daughter. I told her
that there was no judgement on our part towards her, but that we knew she
wasn't in a position to give her these things. I told her that the best
part about this option was she being able to be apart of the baby's life
throughout the years. I told her we would send pictures and letters and if
she wanted to see her, she could call and we would set up a time depending
on the situation. She was thrilled at that. The lady that was with her
loved the idea and kept telling her that this was the right thing to do.
At the end of the visit, I asked her if this was something that she would
be willing to do and she said yes, but that she wanted a couple of days to
think about it. I told her I absolutely understood and to take her time
except that we should move fairly quickly on this because CPS could come
and have her adopted and she would never be able to see her again. When we
stood up and after I shook the other lady's hand, I held her hand and her
arm and told her I was so glad to have met her. She grabbed me and hugged
me and with tears in her eyes told me that she was so glad to have met me
too.

I left there on cloud nine! Not because she was probably going to do this,
but because I knew a miracle had happened there. Many miracles in fact.
How amazing was it that I had the strength to go in the first place and
then amazing above everything else was that I felt actual love for this
woman. No judgement. Just love. Only God does that, believe me. I know
my heart and how it works. I could have easily have judged her and would
have if not for God working through me.

Well, guess what. The miracles don't end there. At 7:30pm that night, I
got a call from Raylen's aunt who said she had just checked her mail and
there was a letter in there from the birth dad. He had written one to her
and one to us. They both said that he would sign the adoption papers!!!!
Can you believe that??? Amazing! God is answering our prayers and making
our path straight. He has laid out this road for us and we are happy to
walk it by faith. When I was on the phone with the aunt, I asked her,
"Have you ever seen such a miracle?" and she said, "I thought when my
children were born that would be the last time I saw God move, but I was
wrong because this is a miracle!" Jason and I were overwhelmed with
emotion upon hearing that.

On Friday night before all of this happened, some dear friends gathered
with us to pray corporately for the meeting with the birth mother and for
the things going on right now. It was a wonderful and emotional time of
prayer, but also thanksgiving for all that God is doing in our lives. In
my prayers that night and every night I am reminded of what God has already
done for me well before this time with Raylen. In fact, I learned and
understood a long time ago through the Jewish teachings my Mom used to do
in Vacation Bible School, that God has already done enough for me. I'll
explain. When the modern day Passover meal is celebrated, there is a part
at the end where the guests sing an upbeat song while literally pounding on
the table called "Dayenu" The word means "It would have been enough". The
song's stanzas say "If He would have just brought us out of
Egypt...Dayenu..." and goes on to list all the things that God has done for
the children of Israel and for us each ending with "Dayenu"...It would have
been enough. But the miracle is that He continued to do more and more and
still does. So I know and I say with you, that if He would have just sent
His Son to die for us and raised Him from the grave so we could live with
Him for Eternity, Dayenu...it would have been enough. But He didn't stop
there for me...or for you. I thank Him for all the gifts He has given
me...salvation, my husband, my family, my friends, my pets, health,
prosperity, education, nationality, freedom, and now for this precious
baby. It reminds me of yet another song that we sing in church that fills
my heart now:

Amazing Love how can it be?
That You my King would die for me
Amazing Love I know it's true!
It's my joy to honour You
In all I do I honour You

I hope that each of you know and see with your eyes the value of your
prayers! God is doing miracles today in our life and I know He is also
about doing them in your life as well! We don't want this "Mountain Top
Experience" to end when the papers are signed and we go on about life.This is what God intends life to be! To see Him at work daily and to join
Him in that work. Please also let us know where we can join you in prayer
so that we can see God do great things for you as He has done for us. We
are filled with deep love for each of you for walking this journey with us.
Please keep praying....